


Friends to the End

by Zhelana



Category: Beyond the Point
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Female Friendship, Friendship, Love, Military
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 39,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zhelana/pseuds/Zhelana
Summary: Dani stops pining for Logan and finds someone to love. Avery recovers from the shock of her life. Hannah finds love in the depths of despair. Can their relationships strengthen or even survive young adulthood? Focuses heavily on the three main characters telling their stories in alternating chapters like the original novel. As they mature they learn to lean heavily on each other and cultivate the strongest relationships of their lives.This is a finished story but I'm in the process of editing it so it will post one chapter a week.





	1. September 2007

Dani walked the unfamiliar halls of the Citadel. She walked into the basketball court and found a basket of balls. She picked one up and tossed it at the basket, making it easily. She bounced the ball a few times, and then scored again. She tried to run after the ball until her legs yelled at her, then she walked, and bounced it around tossing free throws for a good fifteen minutes. Then she noticed she was being watched. She looked at the woman who was watching her.   
“Hi. I’m Dani. The new assistant coach,” she introduced herself.   
“Coach Braxton,” the woman answered, using her last name pointedly. “Head coach.”   
“McNalley,” Dani corrected herself. She had assumed amongst the adults they would use first names, but apparently she was wrong.   
“McNalley. You’re going to be my new JV coach this year, I understand.”   
“Yes, ma’am,” Dani said, wondering when she’d get too old to be calling everyone ma’am.   
“The girls have a practice tomorrow. You’ll come and help me sort them into JV and Varsity teams. Afterwards, you’ll join the JV team. I understand your experience with coaches wasn’t the best in college.”   
“No, ma’am,” Dani answered, wondering how much she had heard.   
“I expect you to be on good terms with your girls. Be strict, but not unreasonable,” Coach Braxton said.   
“Yes, ma’am. That is my preferred style.” Dani said.  
“Good. Make an effort to fit in, and I’m sure everything will be fine,” Coach Braxton said. 

Dani tossed her ball back into the cart, and then walked slowly, limping, back to her car. She got in and just sat in the driver’s seat for a minute or two before putting her keys in the ignition and driving back to her house, located just off the campus of The Citadel. She put her car in park. It made her feel lazy to have to drive such short distances, but she just couldn’t walk them anymore, at least not if she also wanted to be performing her best as a coach.   
She walked in the door to her house. All of her belongings were still packed up in boxes, sorted by room, piled in corners everywhere. She went into the kitchen and began to cook using the one pot she had already pulled out of the box. She made a steak and cauliflower potatoes then sat to eat by herself.   
She wondered briefly if it would always be like this. When Hannah had met Tim and married him she had been a bit jealous. If she hadn’t managed to meet anyone at West Point where she was outnumbered 10 to 1, what were her chances in the civilian world where she wasn’t? She missed Logan but that ship already sailed. 

After dinner she turned on the TV. She was a little chilly, so she started lifting boxes to see which were lighter and might contain the throw she had made in an art class. She opened a couple with no luck, and then went upstairs and grabbed the comforter from her bed, which she brought downstairs and covered herself with while she watched American Ninja. Once upon a time it had occurred to her to try out for this show but now It’s just a painful reminder of all the things she could no longer do. She turned it off and went to bed. Tomorrow was a big day. 

The next day Dani met Coach Braxton and the rest of the coaching staff in the coaches’ office overlooking the basketball court. There were three other assistant coaches there. The girls were running drills and throwing free throws, without even glancing at the double sided mirror the coaches hid behind. Dani frowned realizing that this is how Coach Braxton had found her throwing free throws the day before. There were girls who were amazing and girls who were good. None of them would be happy to be relegated to the JV team. Still, half of them had to be, and Dani made her list, as did the other coaches. They all turned them into Coach Braxton, who tallied them up and made the final official lists of JV and varsity players. Then the coaches, unified, waked outside into the gym, and put up the lists. There were high fives and downcast eyes and even a girl crying. “She’s a senior” Braxton explained, shrugging. “She didn’t live up to her potential.”   
Dani and one of the other coaches took the JV team aside and told them there was no shame in playing JV, that everyone spent time in JV before they made varsity, although Dani felt a little dishonest saying this. She tried to cheer the group up, and told them that their first game was against Harvard in three weeks time. She expected them all to be at the top of their game by then. She was sure they could win the game. 

Later that night, Dani fell into bed and quietly spent some time remembering her own varsity days at West Point and how their coach had failed to do anything right as a coach. Even though she wasn’t team captain, Dani had frequently been the only one trying to cheer her teammates on or tell them they were worth anything as players. It was a painful memory, and she switched the light back on to read a book and chase it away. She was reading The Red Tent, which wasn’t exactly light reading but she was enjoying it. Could Dani be a better coach than any examples she had ever had? Wendy seemed to think so, and that gave her encouragement. She finished reading her chapter, and then fell asleep, sleeping lightly through the night. 

When she woke up in the middle of the night, Dani wondered how much like West Point The Citadel was for her girls. Were they taking 20 hours worth of classes as well as ROTC and sports? Were they not allowed to speak? What was it like for the girls who would not go on to join the military? Did some of them know that already? Could Dani encourage them to get their military degree and then go into business when that hadn’t worked out for her? Did she believe in that world anymore? It had been so hard for her to find any job when she graduated. Would these girls face the same thing? Would she even know which girls were planning to join the military and which weren’t? She wondered if she was going to be the Wendy for this group of girls. She wondered if she could be like Wendy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery goes to Iraq

Avery was standing in front of the enlisted members of her unit when they got the news. Her first reaction was, “Finally!” Then, just as suddenly, it was mixed with dread. She and her unit were heading to Iraq. They weren’t a combat unit but they were a supply unit and sometimes hitting supply lines was more effective than killing the front line soldiers. Tim had been a careful and conscientious soldier, she knew. And yet, when it came down to it, fate had intervened and taken him just the same. It could be any of her men. It could be her. She knew it. Suddenly, the weight of command took on an entirely new meaning for her. She would do everything she could to keep every last one of them alive, she silently promised her men, but she knew she couldn’t make such promises aloud, or for real, because once you got over there - once you got to war - things were unpredictable. 

After work that day, Avery began to pack prematurely. She didn’t need much: just her uniforms, two pairs of boots, her lucky necklace, a watch, which she joked with herself was just to sit around and time how long they spent on hurry up and wait, but as a lieutenant, she knew she needed. She finished packing with some hair ties, and a box of baby wipes. She made sure her name was affixed to everything, and then sat down to watch TV. 

A month later, Avery was following Hannah’s example and peeing in a cup to make sure she wasn’t pregnant, giving blood, and taking a PT test to ensure her fitness for the mission ahead. When she passed all of these tests, she was sent immediately onto the aircraft that would deposit them in the Middle East. It wasn’t some 747 like civilians flew in. This was a C-130: loud, bumpy, and designed to transport tanks rather than people. The people were fit in around the tanks to minimize the cost of dragging more people and things across the Atlantic. 

15 hours later, they landed. Avery was the first to leave the relative comfort of the airplane. She was immediately assaulted by the heat and sand. The only desert she had been to prior to now was a family trip to the Grand Canyon when she had been a teenager. This was an entirely new kind of desert. It was hotter, even though both trips had been in September. This was a heat that she had never felt before. She stood, shaking her head for just a moment before noticing that their army green duffel bags had been rolled out of the guts of the airplane and were now lying in the sun. She jogged over to them and began sorting through them, handing their bags to her soldiers, until there were no more. The unit walked into the briefing room together. 

The room was air conditioned but it didn’t seem to help and seven different fans blew warm air around them while they sat already drenched in sweat. They were given instructions and then allowed to walk to the cafeteria where they ate for the first time in 8 hours. They were supposed to sleep on the pane, but it was so bumpy Avery had not been able to and she was famished. She scooped the scrambled eggs and toast onto her plate and added a packet of jelly when she was unable to find unmelted butter. She added a cup of coffee to her tray because she hadn’t slept, and she knew she was now expected to stay awake until a reasonable bed time. She sat with her unit and ate the food as though she had never eaten before in her life. 

What did Hannah tell her? Live by a strict schedule and try to get involved at the burn hospital? She decided to take both pieces of advice. First she hunted down someone who knew about the clinic the soldiers kept, which was just as necessary in Iraq as Afghanistan. Then she decided her daily schedule would include a run early in the morning before it broke 100 degrees then she would eat breakfast followed by shinning her boots, an exercise which struck her as futile in the desert but the army would insist on. Her entire unit would then begin their work day. After work she would write a letter to either Hannah, Dani, or her parents. Then she would write in her own journal, and finally she would get ready for bed, pray, and go to sleep. 

That Saturday she found the burn clinic. Hannah had not adequately described its horrors. The smell of burned flesh seared into her nose, permanently scarring her brain. Some of the children who came in were younger than her youngest niece: only two years old as of yesterday. Soon, she was able to compartmentalize. She dealt with each new case as it came and didn’t cry until she got back to the dorms. Then she let loose and sobbed into her pillow. That was when she remembered each pained face, distorted and crying as they waited to learn whether they would ever regain use of their arms and legs. The soldiers made every effort to save the limbs, and deal with the burns but occasionally they had to send the parents to Baghdad to amputate the limb. She had seen it twice today. She tried not to think about the chances that those kids actually made it to the hospital, which was only an hour’s drive from the base, but parents who were willing to maim their children? Were they willing to risk getting in trouble for it by showing up with a burn patient at a government hospital? Or were the kids simply going to die in their beds without even painkillers to numb them? It was better not to think about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and her co-coach go to their first away game.

Dani’s JV girls won their first game and she bought them sodas to celebrate. It was an away game and they had to get back on the road to drive back to Charleston by the time their ROTC units got together on Sunday, so there was no room for a lengthy celebration but she did allow them to drink their coke in the locker room and bring it onto the bus which she decorated with a large “congratulations” banner. The bus driver gave each girl a high five as they climbed aboard. They all smiled huge smiles as they did so. None of the girls wanted to talk to the coaches so Dani and the head JV coach sat in the front seat and tried to stay awake so that it could be said someone was monitoring the students at all times. He introduced himself as Ben, although if Coach Braxton asked she would have to refer to him as Coach Lopez. They began talking about Dani’s time at West Point and Ben’s time at Michigan State. Her perception of college was very different than his. It had been the hardest four years of her life but the easiest of his. Still, they had both played basketball on the varsity team for all four years of their time in university. Ben was tall, and Dani was short for a basketball player but they had both been the stars of their teams. 

Ben had stumbled into coaching after his senior year and had never done anything else. He had been the assistant coach of the Notre Dame girls when they won a championship before he was offered the position leading the girls’ JV team at the Citadel. Now he was technically Dani’s supervisor but because Coach Braxton was such a huge presence in the team neither of them considered this to be the case. Ben had started the year before, and the team had not done very well. The girls who were with him last year liked him though. He felt awkward about inviting them to his house after home games because he was a man but he hoped Dani might consider doing so because he felt like having that kind of rapport with the girls was important. Dani immediately agreed. She remembered Wendy and how important she had been to getting Dani and the other girls through West Point. She hoped, as a former military college cadet, she would be able to form bonds with some of the girls easily. This was clearly Coach Braxton’s hope too, because she had hired her without any previous coaching experience or even team captain experience. Unlike at West Point where the coach had kept a strict distance and been hated by all of her charges, at The Citadel they wanted functional teams. Dani smiled. Hopefully that would happen. 

Ben learned that Dani had worked for the advertising agency watching men shower, and helpfully added that he used that brand of razors all his life. Dani didn’t really care anymore, but she feigned laughter. Then they learned that if they hadn’t been basketball stars, both of them were really into horses and horseback riding when they were younger. Non-white horse riders were more rare than they should be, and Dani and Ben had both experienced racism in shows as young children. It had been responsible for Dani changing to baseball where she found the same problem. Ben had changed to basketball immediately, where he was still one of the only Hispanic players, but it somehow mattered less than it did with horseback riding. It was a sad fact that there were more minorities in basketball than other sports, other than football, and both of them finally felt at home there. Although Dani had been the only African American on her high school team, the opposing teams largely looked like her, and were less likely to resort to racial taunts after she beat them. Most of Ben’s closest friends were also his former teammates. 

Around the third hour, Ben said his dream vacation was a safari in Kenya where he could see elephants, which were his favorite animal. Dani agreed that she would like to see an elephant although she had never considered going on safari before. She admitted it would be cool, and she would like to see a cheetah run someday. “I used to be the fastest girl in my high school class,” she explained. Her favorite animal was a dolphin but she had seen those both at Sea World and in the ocean. 

Dani told him how she had gotten her basketball coach fired by organizing a letter writing campaign from the former students to complain about her racism and the general way she treated her students. Ben gasped. “We play West Point at the end of the season. Maybe you’ll see someone you know,” he mentioned.

“It has been more than 4 years since I left, and students only stay 4 years at West Point. The entire coaching staff has been turned over so no one who worked with the bitch is still there. Still, it’ll be fun to see that court again,” she countered. 

“I wish we played Michigan” he said. “We never do.”   
“Michigan is a little above my pay grade,” she said. “We’re a small school.”   
“It’s true. For the players’ sake, I’m glad we don’t play them. Do you want to nap? You can sleep 2 hours, then I’ll sleep 2 hours, and then we should be home,” he offered as they realized that most of the girls were lolling about, their heads on each other’s shoulders.   
“Thanks,” Dani said, putting her head against the window, then changing her mind and letting it hang forward, her chin to her chest. Two hours later he woke her and fell asleep himself. She sat looking out the window watching the lights on the opposite side of the highway and quietly offering a prayer for Avery’s safety, and peace for Hannah. She talked to God as the bus driver made his way home, arriving at 4am.   
When she arrived at home she offered each girl a high five as they walked back to the dorms together. As they walked off, Dani got in her car and drove the mile home. She smiled to herself. She had made her first new friend since college.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery doesn't want to care again, but a girl's still got needs, right?

Avery paused. She considered her experience with “that asshole” as she had started calling him. But her mind was quickly brought back to the present. The present in which an amazingly sexy, totally topless lieutenant had her in a supply closet and was asking “how about it? No one will ever need to know.” She looked at him. She knew what her body wanted. But did her mind want it? He pressed himself to her and her knees went weak. She had picked a profession that was still 90% male, and every one of those men was fit and athletic, just the way she liked them. 

“I’m not even stationed here. I’ll be gone in a week. We can write, or not, but right now I just want you.” It was meaningless to him. “We can write, or not” meant that he wasn’t attached to her as a person. He just thought of her as a good lay at the moment in a land that was barren of women. “What the hell?” she thought. “Gotta get back on that horse at some point, and a guy who you know doesn’t care is better than someone you might fall in love with and not be loved back.” 

“I’m ready,” she said, and his hands moved deftly for the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up over her head, tracing the lace of her bra with his fingers. “No sports bra?”   
“I’m not running,” she answered. Truthfully, she hated the things, and referred to them as “uniboobs” when they squished her chest together. 

Without her really noticing each step, they were naked, and twisted around each other. And then it was over. Hastily, she got dressed, and stepped out the door of the closet, leaving him to wait a while so as to not be seen together. She walked to the cafeteria where she grabbed a turkey and cheese sandwich, thinking she would do just about anything for a change: a ham and cheese maybe? But this was the Middle East and ham was forbidden. The turkey and chicken were pretty interchangeable and the roast beef was always taken by the first unit to get to the cafeteria. Along with the sandwich there was a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a brownie for lunch. Avery nursed a cup of coffee along with it. 

The man, whose name she had not even bothered to get, came and sat next to her with his tray about 5 minutes later. “Tomorrow?” he asked. 

“Sure,” she nodded. She smiled a half-smile. “By the way, I’m Avery.” 

“Tom,” he said. His uniform was affixed with the name “Smith” Tom Smith? Could you get any more generic? She didn’t ask him any more questions; she didn’t want any more answers. He didn’t ask her any more questions, either. They ate quietly, and then stood up to leave and go back to work. 

The next day, she made an excuse to go to the supply closet right before lunch at a time she hoped no one would miss her. She slipped into the closet where Tom Smith was already waiting. He startled her and she jumped, collapsing in a fit of giggles when he put his arms around her from behind. 

“Sorry,” he said, laughing, too. She didn’t say anything, just took his shirt off with one hand, and pressed her lips to his. 

This time he went to lunch first and she followed. She didn’t sit near him, instead choosing to sit near some of her own men. The soup was minestrone today, but otherwise, it was the same lunch as every previous day she’d been in this god-forsaken country. At least there was a weekly schedule for dinners, and they rotated 7 different items in and out over the course of a week. Otherwise, she might go insane. 

They met in the supply closet every day for a week and didn’t talk to each other outside of that. Then, on Friday he said, “I’m leaving tomorrow. My unit is going down range.” 

“Good luck,” she answered before stripping him bare, and giving him one last good lay. 

Saturday at lunch she sat with her unit, quietly wondering if the past week had been a mistake. No, she decided. A woman has urges, and filling them quietly with no muss and no fuss was better than falling in love again. She went to the burn unit and watched the disfigured children come through one at a time getting dressings and bandages, maybe a salve to apply. 

She was usually in a part of the country where there wasn’t much risk, but she regularly had to drive supplies to other parts of the country and that was dangerous. There were IEDs and men who just wanted to kill an American. There was even a bounty on every American head as she went around town. Other than the burn unit and official missions, she never left the base and even so she was never without a rifle. It was a weird thing about the military. For a year you eat, sleep, and live with a weapon attached to you 24 / 7, but as soon as you went home you weren’t allowed to have any weapons on military property. It was like you were all of a sudden less trustworthy because you went home. 

She ran and wrote a letter every day, although she only mailed them all once a week. Dani had written her back almost immediately, as had her parents, who must have actually started writing as soon as she gave them the address. She hadn’t heard from Hannah, though. She knew grief must be difficult to deal with alone so she continued writing weekly letters but it was starting to feel like shouting into a void.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah's unit comes home.

Hannah stood at the airport fidgeting a little with her thumbs. It had been months since she had seen any of her men and she had not given them any warning she was leaving. It was for a good reason, but still, it was not the most professional exit ever made. They had heard what had happened. She was sure, because she had gotten a hand written sympathy card signed by all of them a month after Tim had died. Now she was worried they would pity her, and how could she lead when she had their pity? Some of the men were her friends after half a year of seeing almost no one else. She hadn’t written to any of them. Afghanistan was too painful for her. She hoped they would understand.   
As if she had no warning, they were in front of her. Lieutenant Jenkins, who had taken over when she left, almost walked right past her without recognizing her. Her staff sergeant saw her and spun his head. “Sir,” he called out to Lieutenant Jenkins, “It’s Lieutenant Nessmith.” Lieutenant Jenkins stopped. Hannah offered her hand. Then her sergeant broke ranks and hugged her which led to all of the enlisted men doing the same. It was totally unprofessional and totally appreciated.   
Lieutenant Jenkins was the first to break up the party telling them that it was time to go get their duffel bags. Hannah walked with them to the carousel that only held military bags. She began calling names and tossing bags to her men. When everyone had their bags, they went to the waiting bus while Hannah got in her own car and met them on the base. There were debriefings to do covering the last year, with her men discussing everything from having to shoot an insurgent to the burn unit Hannah had worked in. One of her men wanted to train to be a sniper. There were requests for more salves and bandages to use in the clinic and requests for more ammunition. Hannah wrote everything down. She would write one unified report for her unit to send up the chain of command.   
The men just wanted to sleep. They had been on commercial airliners but it was still difficult to sleep. They went back to their homes. Hannah also went home, and then called Dani. “It was good to see them all again” she said, “I was worried, but it was good.”   
“I knew it would be,” Dani said.   
“Yeah” she said. “They’re all afraid of being on the opposite end of this,”   
Sensing the conversation was about to go somewhere that wasn’t very helpful to Hannah, Dani added “hey, I met a guy.”   
“Tell me!” Hannah said, and Dani did.   
“I hope it works out for you,” she said, and they finally hung up hours later. Hannah went to sleep. 

Monday morning, she went to her unit’s meeting place for Physical Training, or PT in military parlance. She had only been intermittently running since Tim had died and she had slowed down. She was not enough slower to have a problem passing her PT tests, but it was slow enough that she was no longer running with the men when she ran. She’d have to work on that. They ran a 5k and did push ups, pull ups, and sit ups sitting on each others feet. At 7am, as it started getting warmer, Hannah told them to take a shower. She walked into the locker room with the other women in her unit. She took a shower, letting the water run out of her hair down her back.   
There was a sense of dread coming over her as though something awful were going to happen. She thought it was just a reaction to being with her unit and the last time she was with them her husband had died but it was still distracting.   
She came out of the shower thinking, “pull yourself together, Nessmith.” Then she got dressed and went to work. They were working on rebuilding a building that had been hit by lightning. It wasn’t their usual work but there were always a few days of weirdness when you got back from down range. 

Avery was down range, and every week she wrote Hannah. Hannah dreaded getting letters from Iraq with that unique postal code and postmark. Every time she did, she hoped it was a final letter from Tim; or maybe Tim had all been a mistake and he was fine and writing to her? But every time it was Avery. Of course it was Avery. Avery was her friend. Avery would write her. She read all the letters, but never replied. She cried each time. Finally, in November, she wrote back and apologized for not writing back, but told her how painful it was to get letters from Iraq. The letters slowed and then stopped. Hannah felt guilty denying her friend a person to write, and letters from home. She eventually wrote again and then the letters resumed. By December they were both glad to have their friend back.   
Things must be getting better Hannah thought. Then at night she cried herself to sleep. 

Now that her unit was home, things returned to normal. She had had more nights without Tim than she had with him if you included all the time that they had been separated by the military, and sometimes she could even pretend that he was still in Iraq; he would still return to her one day soon. Maybe he just couldn’t write because he was on a mission. And then she knew the truth. She would never see him again. She raged against God in these moments, and then felt guilty for being angry at God. She knew her faith could get her through this, but it was hard not to believe that God could have prevented Tim’s death.   
She was back with her unit, and they supported her. Her superior officers supported her in the same way she had been supported working a desk job for the past few months. Sometimes it seemed like things could return to some semblance of normal.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Hannah spend Christmas together

Dani’s parents offered to buy her a plane ticket home for Christmas. It was a far cry from past Christmases when she had been able to buy everyone she knew first class tickets to her own place. She knew there were going to be changes, and this was a big one. She agreed and asked, “can Hannah come, too?” She thought maybe Hannah would need someplace to be for the holidays. She had her parents, but didn’t want to face the general right now when he had been proven so painfully right. Her parents agreed and Dani called Hannah. She couldn’t afford to offer to pay, but hopefully Hannah could afford it. She was in a higher tax bracket than Dani now.   
Hannah jumped at the opportunity. She asked if she could invite her parents and the general. Maybe she could deal with him surrounded by people who loved her. Dani agreed, although there were no more rooms at her parents’ house and they would have to get a hotel. The two families would only be missing Tim and Avery. 

Two weeks later, Dani was on an airplane heading back home. Hannah had to wait another week for her Christmas break which was only a four day weekend since Christmas fell on a Tuesday this year. She would get the Monday and Tuesday off, and had asked for that Wednesday to fly home. Then it would be back to work for her. Dani got the students’ entire winter break off, which gave her nearly a month of not working. She was spending half of it at her parents’ place, and half of it at home, secretly hoping to see Ben without students or Coach Braxton around.   
Dani landed at the airport and took the train to baggage claim. Her parents were standing at the top of the elevator just behind the restricted space waiting to hug her. She held tight to them, and smiled a huge grin. Then they walked to get her luggage. She had a smaller bag than the last time she had flown but still had a bag to collect. A week’s worth of clothing wouldn’t fit in her carry on.   
They got on the subway and went to Dani’s parents’ place. “Are you doing what you love now?” her father asked.   
“I am,” she answered. “I really feel that I’m making a difference especially given that almost all of my kids will wind up serving this country the way I couldn’t.”   
“There’s something else” her father said looking at her.   
“Well, there’s a man,” she said. “It’s nothing official yet, but I’m hopeful.” Her mother broke into a grin but her father looked more skeptical. She would always be daddy’s little girl.   
“Tell me,” her mother said.   
“Well, he’s technically my direct supervisor, but with the heavy hand of his supervisor it doesn’t feel like it. He got to the Citadel last year from Notre Dame, and he went to Michigan on a basketball scholarship. His dream is to go to Africa and go on safari, and he likes bubble tea and strawberry daiquiris. He’s a writer in his spare time, and writes sci fi stories about warriors in space. I really like him,” she answered. 

On Friday, late at night, they were standing back at the airport. Hannah’s family was coming first, and Hannah had managed to get a late night flight a few hours after getting off work. Her family got there and hugged Dani. Then they went to a Starbucks in the airport. Dani ordered a white tea lemonade saying, “I hope the caffeine doesn’t keep me awake.” Her mother, more sensibly, ordered an apple cider and sipped on it cautiously while it cooled. At midnight, they made their way back to the top of the elevator to wait for Hannah. She stepped off the elevator looking exhausted. “I don’t think I’ve been up to midnight since freshman year,” she mumbled as everyone gathered around for hugs. 

Hannah and Dani held each other giddily, sleep deprivation and joy mixing into giggles. They laughed and returned to Dani’s childhood home, where they fell asleep without even showering. When Hannah woke up the next morning, she decided she needed a run more than a shower and she would need a shower after the run anyway, so she picked up her phone and walked out the front door, taking off at an easy jog, taking every left turn so that she could eventually make her way back. She ran for 45 minutes before getting back to Dani’s house where she walked in to find Dani up and showered and in her living room watching Christmas movies on hallmark channel. Hannah mumbled “morning” and made her way upstairs to the shower. It felt good to go on a long run again. She had been neglecting longer runs since Tim died, and they rarely ran more than 30 minutes at PT in the mornings. 

Showered, she came downstairs and found herself on Dani’s couch drinking coffee and watching Frosty the Snowman. Hannah called her parents at 10 to have them come over and the two families joined each other for a breakfast of eggs and oatmeal. It was Saturday morning, and there was not much to do. They decided to go to the aquarium since Hannah and her family had never been there. They went in and walked from exhibit to exhibit. Dani, as always, loved the sea otters, but Hannah preferred the shark exhibit where you went under the water in a huge tunnel and could see the animals from underneath. There were SCUBA divers in there, cleaning the glass and they waved at small children who passed underneath them. 

Christmas Eve they went to church because Hannah wanted to go to midnight services even though it wasn’t Dani’s family’s tradition. Before that they ate a ham dinner complete with green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, and a pecan pie. They went upstairs to get dressed, but Dani hadn’t brought anything with her that seemed appropriate to a church. She should have expected to go, knowing Hannah, but her family just didn’t. She had to borrow a dress from her mother. It was too big on her, but not so much so that it looked inappropriate. She also borrowed some earrings and let Hannah do her make up, which Hannah always enjoyed more than Dani did. They went to church and sang silent night right at midnight to candle light. The service wasn’t bad, she thought, they had sung all her favorite Christmas songs. 

On Christmas, they sat in Dani’s living room opening presents after eating a casserole dish that Dani’s mother made only on Christmas that had eggs, bread, and corn flakes on top. Dani got a new pair of sneakers and almost an entire new wardrobe that was appropriate to a coaching job but not to her previous semi-executive job. Shorts, Citadel t-shirts, and two pairs of jeans. “Mom, I don’t need all this,” she protested, feeling as though she had just been given a huge amount of stuff while Hannah was opening only three small presents.   
Hannah got a necklace that said, “Forever” on it from the general, and burst into tears. She knew that it meant she was loved forever by her family, but the only forever she could think of was the one she had expected with Tim.   
“I’m sorry sweetie. I should have thought…” he trailed off.   
“No, I like it. I just…” she trailed off, too.   
Her parents had given her a gift card to amazon since she hadn’t been able to think of anything that she wanted when she was asked. Dani’s parents had given Hannah a photograph of herself and Tim they had taken at their graduation from West Point. She clutched it to her chest and sobbed out a thank you. It had been more emotional than anyone was prepared for. Dani and Hannah laughed as they exchanged amazon gift cards, each for the same $25.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery might have sworn off men, but Avery has needs, okay?

Second Lieutenant Ginger looked at Avery. Avery considered him. Like most of the men around her, he was fit and had a high and tight haircut. Unlike most of the men around her, he actually was a ginger named Ginger. She smiled, and draped an arm around his shoulder. “What do you say you and I have a little fun?” she asked He looked startled. “Are you with someone?” she asked, a little belatedly.   
“What? Oh, no. No, I’m not with someone, I just didn’t think my chances were too good of finding someone in Iraq.”   
“You found me,” she said, leading him back to the supply closet she had used before. There were several cots in there, making it a perfect place to have the kind of fun she proposed. He fumbled a little bit with his belt, as she expertly slipped hers off, and dropped her pants. He gave up on his own pants, and helped her out of her shirt, and then allowed her to take his pants and shirt off, caressing his body with her fingers. He kissed her, and she kissed him. He pulled back, “Its just that I’ve never… I didn’t think the first time would be in a supply closet with someone whose first name I don’t even know.”   
“I’m Avery,” she said.   
“And I’m Jeff,” he answered. Jeff Ginger. It wasn’t a nice name. But he seemed like a nice guy, and neither of them outranked the other, so if they were caught there wouldn’t be sexual harassment charges brought. There weren’t too many options in this place that fulfilled that requirement. She drew him closer, and climbed on top of him. The bed creaked. This was bad. She pulled him further in, onto another bed. This one was at least quieter. She fucked him until he was panting, “Oh, god, Avery,” then both shivering together, she rolled over onto the squeaky cot. 

She got up and got dressed, and then slipped out of the closet leaving him there to wait 5 minutes. She went to dinner. It was Monday, so shepherd’s pie day. She sat down to eat, alone, and pretended she was still at West Point where the Shepherd’s Pie had been legendary. She had eaten with a group at a table, family style then and that was better than this thing where most of the men around her were her subordinates, and those who weren’t were in her chain of command, with very few exceptions. Jeff Ginger came in 5 minutes later and sat across from her. “I just want you to know that you’re amazing,” he opened.   
Oh, God. She should know better than to fuck a virgin. She smiled. He stared back at her. She finished her shepherd’s pie. “I’ve got to get back. I owe my mother a letter,” she said.   
“Can we… can we do it again some time?”   
A girl’s got needs.   
“Tomorrow, same place?” she asked.   
“Great. That’s. That’s great.” He stumbled on the words, but smiled a huge toothy grin.   
“See you,” she said, leaving him sitting there alone. 

She went back to her dorm and she really did write her mother a letter. She didn’t know what to talk about any more. Most of her days floated by one like the one before it, and anything that was unique or different would scare her mother, so she only wrote about it to Hannah, who at least had been there and understood. Her mother had helpfully asked her a few questions in her letter, so she answered those, and threw in a comment about the heat which was bad even in December. Avery couldn’t imagine being here in July. She guessed she’d learn soon enough. She wrote the letter and then went to sleep. 

At the appointed time, she met Jeff back in the supply closet and fucked him again. He wasn’t a particularly good fuck but a skilled woman could make up for it as long as the man could last long enough and he could. They continued meeting in the closet most evenings before supper for the month. On Christmas, as she pulled her clothes on, getting ready to leave him there, he grabbed her wrist. “Wait,” he said. She stopped, and looked at him.   
“Avery, I think I love you,” he told her and then looked at her. Her jaw dropped. How could you love someone you’d met only two weeks ago?   
“I. I. I have to go,” she stammered, lacing up her boot and stepping towards the door. He looked down at his boots. Dammit. Why did they always have to go ruining things? Couldn’t they just have fun and enjoy each other’s bodies without going down the love pipeline? Avery sat at the last chair with her own subordinates. They stood to salute, but she waved them off. “Just needed some company tonight,” she said, looking at the turkey and dressing they had. Tuesday wasn’t turkey day, so it must be that the cafeteria had made a special effort for the holiday. She could appreciate that. If they had to be away from everyone they loved for the holidays, at least they could still have holiday food. Still, it was dry and tasteless, unlike the birds her father made every year. She’d have to ask him for his recipe one day so that she could make a decent turkey too if the day ever came that she had family of her own. She laughed a little at the concept. She didn’t ever want to fall in love again. Falling in love only got you hurt. She watched Jeff come into the cafeteria and see her sitting with her men. He looked down, alternately trying to make eye contact with her, and trying to avoid it. One of her own men was telling a funny story about a thanksgiving turkey that went horribly wrong in his childhood, and she laughed a hearty laugh with her whole body. Jeff looked away, and ate by himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planes are hard for Hannah.

Planes were hard. People were assholes, luggage got lost, and she had spent so much time trying to get on one when Tim died that that was her only association with them now. It was one thing heading to Dani’s parents’ place, but quite another to be heading home to the same airport where she had last debarked to find everyone she loved except for the one person who truly mattered. Now she was going back to that airport, and the one person who truly mattered would not be there again. She hyperventilated, gasping for air, as she lined up to get on the plane. “I can’t do this” she thought, then “I shouldn’t have to do this. Tim should be here. We should have just had a magical Christmas,” a tear dripped down her face. Then she lifted her carry on and followed the queue onto the plane. It was full, and she had one of the last numbers to get aboard, so she found herself in a middle seat between an obese man who spilled over into her seat and a 13 year old girl going to spend half the holidays with her father. The girl seemed enthralled by Teen Magazine, and Hannah edged towards her, away from the fat man. 

Maybe I can buy a mojito, Hannah thought. Maybe that will calm my nerves a little. She pushed the button for attention, but no one paid attention to it. The plane taxied away and she knew she wouldn’t get any attention before the beverage cart went through, so she determined to make it into the air without the drink. She opened her copy of the last Harry Potter book, thinking that her childhood was really coming to an end. She had faithfully read each book as it came out starting when she was a young child and getting older with Harry and his friends. Now he was an adult, and she was working, and JK Rowling had ended her childhood by finishing this series.   
She got that mojito and a second one, and by the time she landed Harry was in the woods with his friends hunting horcruxes. She landed, and she knew what was coming next. There was no one to meet her. She was by herself. She steeled herself for the great alone, and walked off the plane. She followed the line of people to the nearest restroom, and then to the baggage claim, though she had no baggage. She walked out and hailed a cab. It took her home, where she was all alone. She took out the photograph of herself and Tim, and started talking to it. She told it she missed him, and all about her weekend at Dani’s, and about her unit, and the men she led.   
It was 7pm, and she had all this nervous energy. She decided to work it off with a short run, maybe from her house to the cafeteria on the base where she would eat and then run back to her house. She changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt, and took off running. A left, then a right, and another mile, and she got there. They were serving turkey with gravy and mashed potatoes, probably left over from the holiday meal the night before, she thought, scooping some potatoes onto her plate. She was lucky, she knew, that she had parents and friends who loved her, and someplace to celebrate Christmas besides in the barracks. A lot of her men were not that lucky.   
Her Captain came up to her and she scrambled to stand and salute. “At ease, at ease,” the man said. “I was just hoping I could join you for dinner.” 

“Of course,” Hannah said, gesturing at the empty seats around her. The Captain, Captain Bridger, smiled at her. “I hope you haven’t been alone all weekend,” he said.   
“No, but back to work tomorrow,” Hannah said. 

“Yes, for both of us. I haven’t left the base. No family anymore, and my friend are all in the army.” 

“I’m sorry,” Hannah said. She meant it. She knew Captain Bridger had lost a son to the army, and a wife a month later, apparently of grief. Hannah couldn’t even imagine if she had lost a child on top of Tim. It was too much to contemplate. 

They ate in silence, and then Hannah took off to run home. “Do you need a ride?” Bridger offered. 

“No, I came out for a run, the dinner was just along the way.” Hannah answered, and then took off for the two mile trip home. It took her 15 minutes, slower than at her peak, but not too shabby, she thought. She was getting older. The military standards were getting longer, but she was beating them by proportionate amounts of time. Maybe she’d become a captain someday. She hoped if she did she still found herself on a named basis with her soldiers like Captain Bridger did. There would be about 100 of them to remember at that point, and that was a lot of people. Still, she knew that people did it, and she wanted to be one of them. 

She turned on the shower, then changed her mind and drew a bath, throwing some bubbles in. She sat and luxuriated for half an hour until 9, then she got out and went to bed. 5 in the morning came early no matter how used to it you got, and she had allowed herself to sleep in a few days at Dani’s house, so she wasn’t quite used to it anymore. 

The alarm rang, and Hannah kicked a blanket, and got dressed in her PT uniform. She drove to the stadium where she met her men, “Short run today, two miles,” she assigned and then decided to make them do pushups until they collapsed. It had been their weakest event on their last PT test. She got on the ground with them, counting out loud as they pushed up and down and one by one they collapsed around her until she collapsed herself. As the men fell out she had them start running again until the last man was running. They ran another mile, and then hit the showers before heading to work.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery is injured in the line of duty.

Wake up. Go for a run. Take a shower. Check in with command to see if there’s anything to do. Except this Friday there was something to do. Avery and four of her men were to take an Armored Personnel Carrier, or APC, and take 100 Meals Ready to Eat or MREs to the front lines. It was a routine mission, but it was still to the front lines, so it came with some anxiety.   
Avery picked four men who hadn’t been to the front in a few weeks. Everyone else went back to boredom. The five of them took two cars and 100 MREs, and went through the check point out into the world. Where they had been staying was relatively safe. Anything can happen while out in Iraq. Private Sheehan drove Avery’s APC while Avery took shot gun. Specialist Rock sat in the back. They traveled as fast as the APCs could go. Slowing down was dangerous.   
They got to the front and unload the MREs with some of the men from a unit stationed at the front. Then they turned around. Sheehan drove as quickly as he could, and Avery turned on the radio, singing at the top of her lungs, “We Will, We Will, Rock You!” On the third Rock, everything went white. There was an explosion, and the APC was tossed, and rolled three times. Avery counted, because she has been trained by the military to always count how many times you flip. It keeps you calm and could save your life. They rolled three times. Then she felt blinding pain in her legs and hip, and then she didn’t feel anything. 

She woke up later in the hospital. Her entire lower half was immobilized. Although she was pretty sure she was in a hospital, she had no idea how she got there. She tried to sit up, but couldn’t. She found a call button on the bed next to her and pushed it.   
“Oh good, you’re awake,” said a nurse.   
“Where am I?” She asked.   
“At the military hospital on the base.”  
“How did I get here?” she asks.   
“You hit an IED. Your seconds brought you in.  
“Rock? Sheehan?”   
“Sheehan didn’t make it. Rock is in the room next to you. He’s pretty banged up, too.”   
Avery put her head in her hands. She had selected the men for this mission. It was her fault they were hurt and dead.   
“Now that you’re awake we’re going to need to do a hip replacement, and surgery on your knee,” the nurse said. “Let me get the doctor.”   
The doctor came in. Avery could hardly understand a word he said after “hip replacement.” She nodded a few times, and then they wheeled her bed into the hallway and into a surgical ward. They knocked her out again, and then she woke up in her room again. Johnson, who had been driving the second APC was there. “You’re alright.”   
“I have to pee,” she said. Johnson pushed the call button for the nurse, and she repeated it. Johnson left and they let Avery pee in a bed pan. Then Johnson came back. “How’s your knee?” he asked.   
“Honestly, they have me on so much dilaudid I wouldn’t know.” She said it casually, but really her hip hurt and her knee felt numb. Johnson nodded. “I was almost sick when I saw the angle it was at when I pulled you out of that APC” he said. Avery groaned. “No one has made any guesses as to my prognosis. Are they sending me home? Are they giving me a medical discharge? Will I ever run again?” She frowned. She didn’t know anything about her future. A few minutes later a nurse came in, “Visiting hours are over,” she announced, way too cheerfully. Johnson left. A man came in with a tray of food. If it was possible it was even worse than the usual military fare. Avery asked “what’s going to happen to me?”   
“A Doctor will come and talk to you in the morning,” was all the nurse would say.   
Avery ate, and then cried herself to sleep. 

The next moment someone woke her up taking her blood pressure and temperature and other tests they do when you’re in the hospital. It was 6am, after her usual wake up time, but she just wanted to sleep. Someone wheeled in a cart with eggs and toast. She ate, and then tried to go back to sleep, but before she could get there, a doctor walked in.   
“What’s going to happen to me?” she asked him.   
“We’re going to send you back to the states for probably a year of rehab. You can choose whether to leave the army now and do it through the VA, or stay in and come back to work when you’re able. If you choose to stay in, you’ll spend at least a year at a desk job stateside. Relearning how to walk and run will be your main job.”   
Avery put her head back into her pillow. “How long do I have to decide?” she asked.   
“At least a month. No one expects you to make life changing decisions while you’re on pain killers.” The doctor was kind, she thought. She thought about her options. Learning to walk and run again. But at least they thought she would be able to at some point. She was probably better off staying in the army. She had heard horror stories about the VA. She had been military her entire adult life. She wasn’t even sure she had any job skills, and Dani had had so much trouble finding a job when she left the army 3 years ago.   
“Can I get a TV remote?” she finally asked.   
“It’s on the bed. Right here,” he gestured to some buttons near the call button that Avery had seen but been uncertain what they were for. Then the doctor left, and Avery turned on the TV. She found law and order reruns on and watched them for hours. This was her life for months.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani gets a romantic dinner with Ben.

Dani got off the phone with Avery after a short 5 minute phone call, all they could afford from Iraq. A year of PT was a lot. She had almost lost one of her best friends. She considered staying home today, but she really couldn’t afford it, so she went to work. While she was there, she watched some girls joking around. “Let’s be serious girls! It could save your life one day!” she yelled after them, with a tone in her voice. The girls looked hurt.   
“Hey, you okay?” Ben asked quickly.   
“My friend hit an IED. They say she might walk again. But maybe not.”   
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry. Hey, you can’t take it out on these girls, but how bout I take you to dinner and we talk about it after work?” She looked at him. His eyes looked sincere.   
“Okay, Sorry girls” she yelled.   
She watched the rest of practice half heartedly, until it was over. She walked over to Ben. “Where we going?” she asked.   
“How’s Outback?” he asked. It was one of the few places she could actually eat. She wondered whether he had remembered that, or if it was just a coincidence. She chose to believe he remembered.   
“You remembered!” she exclaimed, and put her arm around his back. He smiled. “Of course.”   
She walked out to his car and sat in the shotgun seat and he drove to Outback. She ordered a steak and broccoli and they sat and ate. She told him the entire story of her and Hannah’s relationship with Avery, not leaving anything out. She talked, and alternately sobbed and laughed for an hour. Ben listened the whole time, occasionally asking questions, and otherwise just letting Dani talk and work out her grief. When they finished dinner, Ben paid the entire bill, and walked her out to the car.   
“Im sorry , It can’t have been any fun to listen to that,’ she said.   
“No, I… it was fine. I learned a lot about you and your friends, and that’s always worth it to me,” he said. She smiled.   
“Do it again sometime? Maybe under happier circumstances?” he asked.   
She smiled a slight smile. “Of course,” she said. They went back to her car, and he waved. “See you tomorrow,” he said.   
“Tomorrow,” she said. 

The next day she spent hoping Ben would invite her to dinner but he didn’t. “Okay, it’s only been one day,” she thought. He didn’t invite her out again until Friday, but then he outdid himself and invited her to a dinner he would cook himself. They could get together the next Friday. She agreed. 

She had so much clothing. She had no idea what to wear. She tried on outfit after outfit before settling on something from the bottom of her closet that she hadn’t thought about since she bought it when working in London. She put it in her gym bag to put on after practice. She knew it was weird, changing to go over to his house, but she couldn’t wear athletic clothes if she thought it was a date. She went to practice, and was in a good mood. She cheered on her girls. After practice, she went into the locker room, took a shower and put-on her skirt. She followed him to his house, and walked in the door.   
He ushered her in and then lit a candle. “Sorry, I couldn’t leave it burning the whole time we were at practice.”   
“No, of course,” she said.   
It smelled like mint, a delicious scent.   
He went into the kitchen, and she perched on a stool by his breakfast bar. He hummed while he worked. She joined in and it was like he suddenly realized himself. “Sorry, I’m not much company while I work,” he said. She smiled. “I don’t want to talk your ear off again,” she said.   
“No, I enjoy listening to you,” he said.   
She started telling him about her Christmas trip and Ben laughed. He handed over a tray of cheese and crackers. He didn’t remember or didn’t think, but she ate the cheese without a cracker.   
“I prebrowned the meat” he said, “so it should only be a little bit before it’s ready.” She watched him dump ingredients into a pot, and then into a casserole dish. “35 minutes, but now we can talk” he said, leading her into the living room.   
They talked about college, and basketball, and all the things men and women talk about.   
A momentary silence fell and he glanced at his hands. “So I… so, can we say we’re a couple now?”   
She smiled and nodded, “I’d like that.” She said. And then the buzzer buzzed. She went into the dining room while he went to the kitchen to fetch the casserole. They ate quietly. The casserole was good and she could eat everything in it, so apparently he had remembered. 

They talked about future plans. They both wanted children, but Dani wanted 2 and Ben wanted lots. “I was 6 of 7” he said. “It was great.”   
“I was an only child,” she said, “but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There have to be two, but I don’t know that I want more than that. Kids are a handful.”   
It’s true! When I was a kid, my brother used to try to convince me to eat dirt, and unless mom was there to stop me, I would totally do it. He was 12 and I was 3 and I idolized him.” He laughed. Dani cringed. “No big age gaps.” She said.   
“Fair,” he said. She caught his eye, and then smiled.   
After dinner they moved back into the living room and talked until the small hours of the morning. When she was dropping off to sleep he asked “you okay to drive?”   
“Mm” she said.   
“Come on, I’ll take you to the guest room,” he said, leading her upstairs. She put her athletic shorts and t-shirt back on, and fell asleep. She woke up the next morning and walked downstairs. He was cooking eggs and sausage.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite realize I was that tired,” she said.   
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. He handed over a plate of eggs and sausage. She ate and then he said, “I don’t like to kick you out, but I have a second job to get by,” he said.   
“Got it, I’m gone.” She said, putting her plate in the sink, and then heading out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery is in PT in the US

It took six months for the doctors to release Avery from the hospital to the holding unit where people about to go home collected to wait for their planes.Avery was in a wheelchair and had an aid with her at all times. She couldn’t do much for herself. She couldn’t even use the restroom by herself. She had to be lifted from her wheelchair to the toilet, someone had to help her get her shorts off, let her go, then come back and help her get her shorts on and lift her into her wheelchair again. She had a broken arm, so until June, she hadn’t been able to push herself and had to be pushed around. That month, she went back to the hospital, and got all her casts cut off. “Still using the wheelchair,” she was told. “But you should be able to move yourself in and out given a bar or something to lift on. Your arm should work fine to move around.” They made sure she could get herself into the wheelchair and out by herself. Then they let her go. She quickly discovered that she was slow and it was hard to move herself.   
By the time she was ready to go home, a seat had opened on a plane a week later. She got on, and an uncomfortable sleep later, got off to find Hannah waiting for her at the airport. She hugged her friend and then Hannah pushed her to her car, and they drove back to Avery’s house. They got to the bottom of the staircase, then Avery swore, “shit.”   
“I’ll have to sleep on the couch, I guess. At least there’s a bathroom down here, if not a shower.” Avery sighed.   
“Sponge baths for everyone!” Hannah joked. Avery put her head in her hands. 

Monday, a military transport showed up to take Avery to Physical Therapy for the first time since leaving the hospital. She waited in a drab room with chairs she had to push out of the way to make room for her wheelchair. She waited for her name to be called, and then went back. “Hi, I’m Lisa, you must be Avery. Do you mind if I call you Avery?” the perky blonde asked. Avery nodded. It was very unlike the military to not use last names, but at the moment she appreciated it.   
Lisa pushed her into a back room. There were to bars parallel to each other like the ones men use in gymnastics. The therapist pushed her chair to the front of them, and then told her “alright, we’re just going to use the bars to hold your weight, while we reteach your legs what to do.” Avery looked at the bars. It was just like doing a pull up and then a push up, right? How hard could it be? She grabbed the bars, one in each hand. Then she lofted her butt up out of her chair, and started hanging off the bars with her arms.   
“Great, now try to put just a little bit of weight on your legs. Don’t make them lode baring, but enough that they have to work a little.” Lisa said. Avery dropped her legs, just a little, and then her knee collapsed. She landed on the ground.   
“Okay, let’s see you do just a little less than that, keep most of the weight on your arms.”   
Avery grunted, and pulled herself up leaving just enough of her legs on the ground to look as if she might stand.   
“Excellent!” Lisa enthused. They stood together.   
“Okay, now, use your hip to move your right leg forward just a little, and shift your weight onto the front leg.” Avery did, moving her arms along the bars at the same time. By the time she was done walking from one end of the bars to the other, she was exhausted.   
“Okay, let’s do some stretching and weight baring” Lisa said. Avery groaned. Lisa brought Avery’s chair around, and pulled her to some mats on the floor. She helped her lie down, and then placed a hand on the bottom of her foot and pushed it into a bent position. “Okay, push me out using just your leg.” Avery pushed against Lisa’s hand one foot then the other down, up, side to side, every way she could imagine.   
“Okay, you’re done!” Lisa announced, Let me just get you a handout of exercises to try at home on your own. This is your only job for the next several months.” Lisa printed off three pages of exercises Avery could do while sitting or lying down. Then Avery got the military transport back to her house. She sat on the couch and flipped on the television. She was thankful to be home where she had Netflix instead of just being forced to watch whatever was on in the hospital. She flipped on MASH and decided to try knitting. She called Hannah to ask her to bring her some string and knitting needles, and then turned on youtube to find out how to do it. An hour later both of them had one row of loops. “I guess it’s a thing to do,” Avery said. “Otherwise, I’m just watching MASH.” Hannah stayed and cooked dinner for the two of them while Avery learned how to make her second row.   
“I should probably call Dani and let her know I’m home,” Avery said.   
“You haven’t called Dani? Shame!” Hannah replied.   
Avery picked up the phone. Two rings and Dani answered. “I’m home!” Avery announced.   
“Finally!” Dani replied. They talked for about ten minutes, and Avery swore she heard a man’s voice in the background.   
“Is that your man? she asked ”   
“Yeah, Ben, say hi to Avery. She’s finally back stateside!” she yelled A disembodied voice on the other end of the telephone yelled “Hi Avery!”   
“Hi Ben!” Avery yelled, even though she knew he couldn’t hear her.   
“She said hi.” Dani repeated back.   
“Well, I had better go” Dani said back to Avery. “He’s taking me out to dinner.”   
“Have fun! Hannah’s cooking here,” Avery said.   
“Dinner!” Hannah announced. Avery wheeled herself to the dinner table. They sat to eat. Hannah wanted to say grace, so Avery folded her hands. “God, thank you for bringing Avery back to us, and keeping her alive. Please keep all of us safe. We love you forever and ever, amen” she said, Avery muttered “amen” even though she didn’t really pray anymore.   
They ate and Hannah left. Avery went back to trying to teach herself knitting.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah is going back to Afghanistan.

Hannah was getting into a routine: she went over to Avery’s house to cook dinner and eat with her after work every day and then helped Avery onto the floor to do her PT routine. They were best friends again. Then she got word that the colonel wanted to speak to everyone under his command. There were limited things this could mean, so Hannah told Avery she would have to get a nurse to stay with her who would be willing to cook. Hannah went to the meeting and stood in front of her men in formation.   
“Men,” the colonel began, “I’m sure you know that we appreciate your work in Afghanistan last year. And the fact is that it is now time to go back. You leave July 1, and come home next July.” No one groaned, although Hannah surely wanted to. Missing an entire year with her friends, and being back where she was when… when it happened. She wasn’t sure she could bare it, but she also couldn’t leave the military yet, so she had no choice.   
The month flew by. Hannah spent every spare moment with Avery. Right before she left, she went to the processing unit where she gave blood, peed in a cup, collected her first month’s worth of malaria pills, and got an anthrax vaccination, even though she had had one a year ago. She climbed on a plane with her men, and this time she took a Xanax to force herself to sleep. She woke up in Afghanistan. Despite having been there just a year ago, she was shocked when she got off the plane and the dry hot air hit her like an oven. Sand stung her face and hands and even a couple inches into her sleeves. She helped pass out duffel bags, and then walked last into the building to get breakfast. It was the same eggs and sausage it had been almost every day of last year, but she ate it as if she wasn’t sure she’d ever see food again.  
An hour later she joined her men in the briefing room. The colonel stood on a stage and addressed the entire group. “We’re going down range almost immediately, men,” he said. “We are going to be replacing a unit that lost too many men to be viable. We hope that you are going to be smarter than them, and keep yourselves out of trouble. Remember no one goes anywhere alone, and you don’t leave the base unless you have permission. Many of you enjoyed going on solo runs or going to the burn unit last time you were here. Both of those activities are impossible from now on, unless you are back here behind the lines. Don’t even think about a run, and there is no burn unit. We will run together daily two mile runs to keep you in shape for your PT tests. Don’t leave your battle buddy behind with no one around him.”  
Hannah had been one of those who liked to run by herself, so she was disappointed in this turn of events. Of course it was for her safety, and she would obey, but she was used to running more than 2 miles a day, and wasn’t sure she’d burn off enough extra energy without the longer runs.   
The next day they loaded themselves into APCs and raced for the front. They got there without incident and got out of the APCs, then searched through the truck of luggage to find their duffel bags. “Sleep, men. We’ll wake up at 0500 tomorrow morning to go for our run.” Hannah ordered, and then went to take her own advice. Time zones were a bitch.   
Hannah tried to arrange herself into some kind of routine over the next few days. She woke at 0500 and ran with her unit in a group, going only as fast as the slowest runner, which was never her. They ran and did pushups, sit ups, and pull ups, She tried to take some of her aggression out on the pull up bar, and on doing push ups, but none of it worked as well as running at speed did. That was forbidden now, so she poured herself into stationary exercises.   
After her run, she took a short shower, conserving water as ordered. She got dressed in her uniform and then went to work. Work was the same every day for a while and involved rebuilding a bridge that had been blown up by an IED. Lunch was promptly at 1pm, and it was the same cold cuts every day. When she was lucky she’d get roast beef, but usually it was turkey or chicken, which were interchangeable. After lunch she had an hour to kill before going back to work, and she spent it writing letters to home. She wrote Avery and Dani each a long letter every week, and also wrote to her parents and younger brother at least once a week. She took all the letters to the post office together on Fridays after work.   
Work continued after the heat died a little bit around 3pm every day. Then they got out of work at 6 and went to dinner. Dinner was on a rotating schedule of 7 different things. Her favorite was shepherd’s pie on Thursdays. The hamburgers on Tuesday were always dry which was disappointing because hamburgers were her favorite food in general. After dinner, there was an officers meeting that she was required to attend, but was still too low rank to be asked her opinion. She was just there to bring orders back to her men. After the officers meeting, she was allowed free time for an hour during which she would go to the rec room and either watch television or play ping pong.   
On July 4th, the men were told that America needed a patriotic display from them, and they were all to wake up at 1am and come to the rec center and watch fireworks in uniform so that the news channel could display patriotic soldiers on their channels. This happened from time to time when there were major sporting events in the US such as the world cup when the men’s national team played. TV channels liked to show soldiers in country cheering, even though it usually meant waking them up at 1am to cheer and then race back to bed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah plays basketball with Afghan kids

The most universal thing in the world is a ball. Everyone from the ancient Mayans to the Vikings to the kids in this rural Afghan village had played with a ball. When, at the officers meeting, the colonel suggested bringing some Afghan kids in to get to play with the soldiers in person, Hannah was the first to sign up. She brought the suggestion to her men, and four of them signed up, too. A week later the kids showed up. They were brought to the indoor basketball gym instead of the soccer field because it was 120 degrees, and they didn’t want to risk the kids falling out. Never mind the soldiers. The kids were more familiar with soccer. It is the more universal sport because you need less equipment to play it. But everyone knew who Michael Jordon was, and they were excited to try basketball. They picked teams, and apparently Hannah hadn’t ever mentioned playing basketball at West Point because as the only girl, she was picked last. She laughed a little to herself, and thought, “I’ll show them.”   
Play began. Hannah remembered everything she ever knew even though it had been 4 years since she had played more than a pick up game amongst her men. She shot from the 3 point line regularly, and used feints to create openings as if she had been born doing it, which, of course, she practically had been. One of the Afghan boys had been assigned to guard her, and she felt a little bad about running over him, but she did have a competitive streak. Eventually, the Afghan kid had switched places with a taller soldier, but even he had little luck defending against Hannah. They played to 50 points, and Hannah was personally responsible for 25 of those, even though she tried to give her younger teammates the ball from time to time. It was a simple matter of fact that she was good. 

When the game ended, the soldiers and the Afghan kids went to the cafeteria for lunch. They ate their sandwiches and chips. The kids were excited to see chips. They had all seen commercials for American chips, but few of them could afford them or find them in any local stores even if they could. Hannah picked up some Doritos, and showed one of the kids how to put them on the sandwich to get a satisfying crunch out of it when you bit into it. Soon all the kids were doing it, and some of the soldiers, flashing back to childhood, were doing it too. 

After lunch, they went to the briefing room where Space Jam was put on the screen for them to enjoy. It had been a while since Hannah had watched any movies or even any television, because the men took over the tv and put it on sports most of the time and there were very few votes for watching sitcoms. She sat between the two tallest Afghan kids, and enjoyed watching the movie and some popcorn that got passed out in large paper cups. 

After the movie, the kids went back home and Hannah went back to her room to write a letter to her parents since something had happened that would not make them nervous. She told them all about her day and how much fun it had been to play basketball again and how satisfying it was to hear that ball swish through the net. She wondered if she could find a way to try out for some kind of basketball team but she thought that the army team was really just the West Point team. Maybe she could teach at West Point but you probably needed a phd for that, and Hannah was not interested in going back to school. 

She wrote Dani a letter telling her how jealous she was that Dani had gotten a coaching job, and one that was associated with the military, too. When she got a reply, Dani told her that she could get a job coaching, too if she tried when she left the army. If Dani could do it with barely being able to walk some days, surely Hannah could do it being as fit as she was and almost as good as Dani had been before she had to quit. Hannah considered it, but she still had another year on her contract with the army, so it wasn’t really worth thinking about too much, yet. 

She wandered towards the rec room after writing her letters and on her way saw that the line for the phone was remarkably short for a weekend day. She queued up, and called her mother for the first time since she had been gone. They hardly had time for a few words in the 5 minutes each caller was allotted, but they filled the space with love, and Hannah felt better than she had in a long time when she hung up. She finished the walk to the rec room and joined in a ping pong tournament. She was just alright at ping pong, and quickly lost the $5 she had paid to enter to the winner’s pot. 

Then she looked at the tv and there was a basketball game on. She decided to join the men watching. It was a college game between Michigan and Notre Dame. She didn’t really care who won, so she decided to try to anticipate the coaching decisions and found that she was actually halfway decent at predicting what the coaches would do. She could coach, if she wanted to, next year. But first she had to survive Afghanistan, and that was certainly not guaranteed. Even though women were still noncombatants, she was building bridges, and bridges were prime targets for IEDs since it was hard to get off of them, and some people would die from falling in addition to the initial blast. The bridge was under heavy guard, but there were always things that could go wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani goes to Avery for her birthday

Hannah left a week before Avery’s birthday so Dani decided to go down to Georgia and keep Avery company for a week. Last minute tickets were too expensive she found, so she decided to go on standby. This got her to Atlanta the next day, and she rented a car to get the rest of the way to Fort Benning. She barely managed to mask her emotions as she saw Avery in a wheelchair wearing two boots with her upper legs and left arm covered in scar tissue from the burns. Avery wheeled herself back to her couch, and Dani sat down. “Phew, those airplanes,” she said.   
“You should try the military ones,” Avery quipped, “you want to take the bedroom? I can’t get there. I’ve been sleeping on the couch.”   
“Thanks,” Dani said, hefting her suitcase up the stairs and putting on some pajamas. She came back downstairs.   
“Some of my men’s wives have made me some casseroles if you want to stick one in the oven,” Avery told her. “Tomorrow we can go out.”   
Dani went into the kitchen, “we have tater tots or buffalo chicken,” she said.   
“Both are good. Take your pick,” Avery answered, and Dani put the buffalo chicken in the oven. Half an hour later, she served up two bowls full, and they turned on Kitchen Wars and watched while they ate. When the show was over, they began to talk and catch up with the past half a year. Avery cried when she described the burn unit she had been to. Dani had known from Hannah’s descriptions that it had been awful, but seeing the raw emotion related to it really drove the point home.  
Dani talked about Ben, and they talked about those parts of Afghanistan that Avery was allowed to talk about. When she got to Sheehan and Rock She teared up a little. “Rock has been to visit me. He lost a leg completely and is having to leave the service.” She said.   
“Are you going to leave?” Dani asked.   
“I don’t think so. They’re taking care of me, and I’ll still have a job once I get better. I think I’ll do my 20 years”   
Dani nodded. How many times would Avery go to Iraq or Afghanistan in 20 years she wondered, but not aloud.   
They stayed up until midnight, and then went to bed. 

The next day, Avery asked Dani to take her to Outback. Dani hurt from eating the carbs in the casserole but she didn’t dare complain. She could have a steak and would be fine the next day. She took Avery in her wheelchair to the door of her car. Avery tried to push herself up, but collapsed back into her chair. Dani had to lift her and settle her into her seat, and then put her chair in the back of the van she was suddenly very glad she had gotten. They drove to Outback and it was the first time Avery had been off base in six months. She couldn’t bring herself to ask anyone but Dani or Hannah to lift her. They ordered steaks and Avery ordered a potato, and they spent over two hours eating and talking, and reminiscing about their time at West Point and Wendy and her Bible Studies and the antics they had gotten up to their senior year.   
“Do you regret it?” Avery asked, finally. “Going to West Point and not being able to have a career in the army afterwards?”   
“Sometimes, a little. I feel like I missed out on parties and alcohol once I learned I was never going to be able to drink without pain, but if I hadn’t gone, I never would have met you and Hannah, and my life would have been much sadder.”   
Dani took Avery to the grocery store on the base, and filled the shopping cart with things she could eat. She’d have to cook and not eat those delicious casseroles any more because her pain levels demanded it. So she got steaks and chicken and gluten free noodles and vegetables and fruits, and spent $100 on a week’s worth of groceries. They went back to Avery’s house and she tried to put everything away, but the fridge was full of casseroles. She shuffled things around and then went back to sitting on the couch talking to Avery.   
The next day, Dani brought Avery to Physical Therapy. She watched as Avery tried to take a few tentative steps putting most of her weight on her arms, but finally remembering how walking actually worked. She did weight baring exercises, and turned away as Avery cried when she couldn’t even lift her leg off the floor. Last week she had been able to. The therapist told her she had added more weight to her legs and that was the reason. She took some off, and with effort Avery lifted her legs.   
They went home and Avery immediately fell asleep. Dani went upstairs and checked her email. 

Dear Hannah,   
I’m at Avery’s house. I can’t believe she’s going to stay in after all of this. I guess she truly loved the military. Do you love it? Or is it just a job? She told me about the burn unit. I can’t believe people can be that evil towards their own children. Are you doing that again? I hope to hear from you soon,   
Love,   
Dani

Then she updated her LiveJournal with meaningless drivel about how thankful she was for her life, and for the military and all the people who served the country. She hoped she wouldn’t lose friends. Almost everyone she knew was a liberal, and sometimes they balked at patriotism. Still, she had tried to serve, and if people couldn’t come to terms with that part of her, she didn’t really need them in her life. Her mother pinged her on AIM, and they chattered until dinner time.   
For dinner, Dani made a steak salad, and brought some to Avery, whom she had to wake up to eat, but she thought that was better than waking up hungry in the middle of the night and being unable to get from the couch to the kitchen. Fortunately, Avery agreed, and they ate dinner.   
Time passed like this for a week until it was time for Dani to return to the Citadel and Ben. She drove the hours from Ft Benning to Atlanta, and got on standby for a flight. Then she settled in with a movie to watch: the latest Pixar film. She watched halfway while she flew, but she didn’t get to see the ending and she never went back to watch it afterwards.   
Ben picked her up at the airport, easily lifting her suitcase into the trunk of the car, and driving her to her house. He came in and cooked her dinner while she sat and watched television. She told him how she felt about the burn unit and seeing Avery’s burned body, and how angry she was at Afghanistan in general for evil parents and people who wanted to bomb their soldiers. “And how many of our girls will that be?” she asked, gesturing in the direction of the Citadel.   
“Probably a lot of them, and probably none of them are thinking about it right now. It’s probably best not to think about it.”   
Dani sighed. She knew he was right. If you worried over everything that could happen to someone you love, you’d never be done worrying. Even here in the US something could happen to anyone. Arthritis could suddenly stop everything you thought in its tracks, and leave you barely able to walk never mind do the things you loved. A heart attack could stop everything. Dani smiled “you’re right, we should just enjoy the moments we have with the people we love, and let that be the end of it.”   
Ben threw his arm around her shoulder, “Speaking of people I love,” he said, “have I told you yet that I love you?”   
Dani froze. He hadn’t. They hadn’t said it before.   
“I’m sorry, should I have not?” he asked when she didn’t reply.   
“No, no you should have. I love you, too. You just caught me off-guard. But I do. I love you too.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah gets a promotion

Hannah stood in front of her unit. She had managed these 50 men and women for four years now, with the exception of right after her husband’s death. These were her men, and she was awfully proud of them. A general walked up to Hannah, and Hannah saluted smartly. The general, General Fondley, began listing all of the wonderful things that Hannah’s unit had accomplished since they were in Afghanistan, and even some of the things they had accomplished at home, and some of the things she had accomplished when she was at home by herself after Tim’s death. Many of them were small details that Hannah had thought no one had ever noticed she was doing, but she should have known better. How many times had she yelled “Attention to detail, Drill Sergeant!” during her freshman summer? The army was always paying attention to detail. Hannah tried not to smile, and tried to pay attention to every detail of today. She wanted it to last forever. She wondered if Tim were watching from heaven smiling at her and being proud, too. She decided that, yes, that is exactly what he was doing. 

General Fondley approached her “It is my honor to raise Second Lieutenant Nessmith to the rank of First Lieutenant Nessmith, effective immediately.” He said, pinning her new rank on her lapel and handing her more for her hat and arm. Hannah beamed. As far as she knew, she was the first of her friends from West Point to get a promotion. She was very proud of herself. 

The next day, First Lieutenant Nessmith met the new Second Lieutenant who would take her place and be her direct subordinate. She also met the other three Second Lieutenants who would report directly to her. One of them was a man she was already friendly with named Lieutenant Dan. He saluted her, then she saluted him, and then they fell into talking about the men under him. There were about 60 of them, and by the end of the month, Hannah vowed, she would know at least each of their names, and something about them. They were now her men, and just because there were more of them was no excuse not to treat each of them as a human being. She knew full well what they were giving up to be here with her, especially those who were only 17 or 18 years old who might never receive a college education, or might serve four years and get out and use the GI bill to get an education four years and many decades wiser than their supposed peers. She looked at the enlisted men. She hoped they would be wise about getting an education, even if they rejoined the army later, or did it while they were in the army so they could be promoted to officers. It was, of course, a much better life as an officer than as an enlisted man. They all stared out past her in the way they were trained in basic training not to make eye contact with anyone in a superior position to their own. It was a little unnerving. But for right now, she just wanted to get to know her Second Lieutenants and see if she could do anything for them. There was Lieutenant Dan, Lt Charleson, Lt Dixon, and Lt Hayman. She now had officers responding to her directly, and it was weird. She decided to sit down with Lt Dan first, since she was familiar with him, and they discussed everything from people he thought were promotion material to people he had had to discipline repeatedly. She remembered each name, marking it down in both a notebook and her brain. She would talk to each of them in turn, but for now, she would just get the basics. She repeated this conversation with each of her other Second Lieutenants, and then moved down to her enlisted men, starting with the highest rank and moving down to the privates each in their turn. Some of the Sergeants were in charge of only slightly fewer men than she was herself, 

After a week she knew all of her Sergeants by last name, and knew something about them: whether they had kids, and whether they had wives or husbands at home. She began with the Corporals. There weren’t very many of them, either. She knew she would have a harder time when it came to the Privates and Specialists, but she was still determined to do this within a month. She knew she was pretty unique amongst First Lieutenants to know or care about each of her Privates, but knowing people encouraged them to do their best for you, and that was something she needed as a female officer. She knew this, so she made time for every single person under her command. She knew if she ever got promoted again, she wouldn’t be able to do it. Then she would just learn her officers, and be done with it, but 250 men wasn’t too many to keep track of, and that’s what she had. She smiled as she remembered one of her Sergeants looking as afraid as he was called to her office. When he realized she just wanted to chat he had come alive telling her about his 3 year old daughter and 5 year old son, and how they had grown up half their lives without their father, but he wanted to do 20 years, and get his retirement pension. He was halfway there, and she hoped he could make it the rest of the way. She also hoped they got some home time, and soon, because 3 year olds grow up so fast, and he’d already missed her 3 year birthday, and his son’s 5 year birthday since they had been there. She made a note to write down his anniversary and make sure he got some leave at a convenient time for himself.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah has Thanksgiving dinner in Afghanistan.

Hannah frowned. It was Thanksgiving. She had never celebrated Thanksgiving without someone she loved before. Yet here she was in Afghanistan with few friends, and no one she would consider a loved one. She wondered, vaguely, if the cafeteria would even put out turkey, or if they would have meat loaf like all Thursdays. Like every Thursday, they had gone to work out and to work together as a unit, and no one had even commented on it being a holiday. She half wondered if she were the only one with a calendar anymore. Maybe it was easier for everyone else if one day was just like the day before it, and they didn’t think about time moving on and passing. Time that they were missing with their loved ones while everyone at home went to work, to school, and did normal everyday things. Maybe it was easier not to consider the Thanksgiving dinners they were all missing. 

Hannah went to her bunk as she did every day after work to write letters home and reread letters from her family and friends for the millionth time, just to remind herself that she was loved and she loved people. This year she was spending in Afghanistan wouldn’t last forever, and Thanksgiving passing merely meant that she was one day closer to going home. She felt a sudden pang of loss as she thought that Tim wouldn’t even be spending Thanksgiving with a unit anymore, that she would never spend a Thanksgiving with him as long as she lived. She felt tears welling up behind her eyes, and dabbed them away just in time.   
One of her friends - no, check that - one of her acquaintances, Lieutenant Samuels found her in their bunk writing a letter home. It was a particularly miserable one, so it went to Dani, since Avery, the only friend who would really understand, should not be receiving bad news while she recovered from much worse. Samuels stopped by her bunk “come on, you’ll miss all the pie if you sit here any longer.” 

“Pie?” Hannah asked. 

“Of course; we actually get Thanksgiving Dinner here, and it gets served to us by the top brass,” Samuels answered.

Hannah didn’t need to be told twice. She threw her uniform jacket on and the two girls ran to the cafeteria. They found two seats together - the last two seats together, at a table full of men they didn’t know but who were all similarly ranked to them. They sat down and put napkins in their lap. The table had a table cloth on it, and a real napkin wrapped around their real silverware. There was none of the usual plastic stuff to be seen. Discreetly standing in the back was a camera crew for Fox News and one for CNN. “I guess we’re the feel good story of the evening news tonight?” Hannah asked. Samuels nodded. A Lieutenant Colonel stopped by their table with rolls and butter. Hannah took one, and cut it in half, eating it one half at a time. 

Next, came the potatoes and sweet potatoes, followed by green bean casserole and soon there was so much food on her plate Hannah wondered where she would put the turkey. She moved things around a little until there was a spot in the middle of her plate which she piled high with turkey and gravy. 

She searched for things to talk to Samuels about, but Samuels had a top secret job and so did Hannah, so they weren’t allowed to talk about what they did all day. Talking about family hurt, but they did talk about past Thanksgivings a little before Hannah told the story of the one Thanksgiving she had spent with her husband, and choked back a sob. Samuels quickly looked for more cheery subjects and settled on a commonality all soldiers share: war movies. Any movie with soldiers is a war movie, even if it is meant to be an anti-war movie, and every soldier watches them. Hannah said her favorite was GI Jane and Samuels said hers was Saving Private Ryan, and suddenly things took a turn for the better. Hannah admitted she had considered shaving her head when she went to West Point just so she wouldn’t have to continue tying it up in a bun every day, but she was glad she hadn’t because having her hair made her a woman in some weird way. She didn’t want to be mistaken for a man. 

The Lieutenant Colonel started clearing their dishes. “You folks leave room for dessert?” she asked, leading to most of the men at the table to grab their stomachs and make mock groaning noises. He smiled, left, and came back with a pumpkin pie. Despite their protests, everyone ate their entire piece. They ate, and everyone left for the rec room at about the same time. Hannah followed. There would be no football on, since they were several hours ahead of the East coast, but who knew what they would come up with. 

Someone turned on the Snoopy Christmas special which they found in a pile of donated DVDs to the left of the TV. Hannah laughed. This movie had been a tradition growing up, and she thought it fitting to watch it tonight so she grabbed a chair, turned it backwards, straddled it, and rested her chin on the back of it. Everyone laughed at the movie, even though almost everyone had seen it dozens of times. When the credits rolled, Hannah and Samuels grabbed the ping pong paddles and went to the table. Hannah won, two games to one, but it was more Samuels’ lack of skill than Hannah’s own skill that won the second match. 

As they walked back to the dorms, Hannah stopped at the mailboxes and found a letter from Dani. She wrote about her second year at her job, and her boyfriend, and all the things that happen to civilians while soldiers are away. Hannah clutched the letter, and for not the first time, she wondered if she would stay in the army after all of her life they had taken, and after they took Tim from her, along with all of the time she could have had with Tim while he was alive if they had been any other couple.   
She read the letter a second time, and then tucked it with the others, and went to bed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery comes for Thanksgiving

Avery walked unsteadily now. She had to use crutches to hold herself up, but she could get one foot in front of the other and put her weight on her legs. She was slow, but it was much better than the wheelchair she had been using for the past 11 months. Her physical therapist told her if she could manage this, she was certain she would have her running again, and would get her back with her unit at some point. For now, Avery was taking advantage of the fact that she was in the United States to go to Thanksgiving Dinner at Dani’s house and finally meet this boyfriend and get to see a friend again. Her unit had just come home from Iraq and she had rejoined them for some things, even standing there, watching them run at physical training sessions. She was so confused PT could now stand for either physical therapy or physical training, and there wasn’t really an easy way to differentiate between them. 

She took advantage of the early loading for disabled passengers to get to her seat first and store her crutches with the flight attendant. She knew she couldn’t get up again as long as the flight was moving no matter how badly she had to go, so she went last thing before boarding, and then sat watching in flight movies on the back of the chair in front of her. She still really had to go when the flight landed, and she hobbled as fast as she could to the nearest girl’s room, which was filled with a long line. Why couldn’t all these people have gone on the flight? Sure it’s cramped, but surely it’s better than sitting there having to pee? 

She managed her way to baggage claim where Dani met her. She ran to her and hugged her, “oh my gosh, I was expecting the chair! I’m so glad to see you up and moving around!” she enthused. 

“I just got these. In another 6-9 months I’ll be ready to run, supposedly! Right now walking is a lot of work,” Avery confessed. 

They walked to baggage claim where Dani hefted Avery’s suitcase off of the carousel and rolled it behind her. She got to her car, and placed the bag in her trunk. “Can you get in?” she asked, knowing that the seat was a little low to the ground. 

“I think so, at least it isn’t that truck you rented when you came to see me. I couldn’t get up to that, but down I can do,” Avery said, moving herself into the seat. Dani then took the crutches and put them in the trunk with the suitcase, and they drove to Dani’s house. It was Tuesday, so they had a little time. Dani had gone grocery shopping the day before, and was ready with a keto friendly thanksgiving for her arthritis, but she also had potatoes and sweet potatoes for Ben and Avery. There would only be three at dinner this year, unlike the last time Dani had brought everyone together for Thanksgiving Dinner. 

Dani put on Project Runway, and the girls half watched the show, half played on their phones until Avery announced that she was tired. Dani only had the couch to offer her, so Dani went upstairs to bed while Avery made herself at home on the couch. She still couldn’t climb stairs without someone walking behind her ready to catch her if she fell, so she told herself she’d take a shower tomorrow and for now she’d just go to bed. Dani continued playing on her phone until midnight, and then fell asleep herself. 

The next day, Dani took Avery on a tour of the Citadel’s gym and the grounds that were open to anyone. She drove around slowly through the quads, and then stopped in the handicap spot next to the gym. It still struck her as odd that there were handicap spots at a gym, but she was thankful for it now. They went in and walked around through the coaches areas and the gym areas. Avery smiled. “I wish I could play again,” she said. 

“I wish I could play like I used to,” Dani admitted, “but you will. You said another 6 months to run, and then you’ll be just fine.”   
“Yeah, sorry, I wasn’t thinking…” Avery started.   
“Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it by now.” Dani said, snd then moved towards the door of the gym where she could tell she was being watched. It was basketball season, even if all the students were home on fall break, but the head coach was still there, and still made Dani feel uncomfortable sometimes. She wasn’t sure why it was, but it seemed to always be the case. She introduced the two of them, and then Avery and Dani left. 

Thursday, the girls cooked together, Avery mashing potatoes and baking a sweet potato soufflé, and Dani making green bean casserole, home made cranberry sauce, potatoes out of cauliflower, and of course the turkey and gravy. She had a secret family recipe for turkey that had been passed down to her from her mother the year before, and she was anxious to try it. 

Ben came over and brought biscuits and wine as well as pie, including one with a keto crust for Dani and one with a regular crust for himself and Avery. They sat together and said a prayer for Hannah, and all of the kids they were coaching, and ate and talked about the usual things. Dani said she had a tradition since childhood of each person around the table telling one thing they were thankful for in a circle. She said she was thankful for a new job that had brought her more freedom to do the things she loved, and had even introduced her to the person she loved. Ben said he was thankful for each of the girls he coached, and that they were at the Citadel getting ready to do great things. Avery said simply that she was thankful she had escaped with her life, and would one day run again. Then Dani and Ben told Avery about a trick shot one of their girls had invented seemingly on her own, which almost always scored. She was short for a basketball player, like Dani had been, and so Dani identified with her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben asks Dani to marry him

Ben and Dani were together for Christmas, with no one else around. They went to his favorite place on the pier just to look at the water and enjoy themselves. They were quiet, in a comfortable silence, the kind that falls when you’re with your best friend and you don’t need to talk to know that you’re both enjoying each other’s company. A wave came and splashed up the pillar that held the pier up, and a fisherman threw a line in the water. “What do you think he’ll catch?” Dani asked Ben.   
“Nothing as amazing as what I’m hoping to catch,” he said, and fell to one knee, pulling out a small velvet box. 

Dani brought her hands to her chest, and gasped. “Is this. Are you?” she didn’t finish. She took the box from him, and opened it. Inside was a ring with three diamonds, a large center one and two small ones on the side, She fell to her knees. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes.” Ben stood up, and hugged her, and then slipped the ring onto her finger. It was too small, and they laughed. “We’ll go tomorrow and get it resized” he said, putting it back in his jacket pocket where it had been safe for days while he waited for the perfect moment to pop the question. She hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder. Then said, “ooh, warm” and tucked her fingers into his armpits.  
“Are you that cold?” he asked. She nodded. “Let’s go. Maybe dinner?” he asked. They went to Outback Steakhouse, which was pretty much their go to restaurant because Dani could eat steak and broccoli and they knew there was something on the menu that Dani could eat, and Ben liked steak too, although he always ordered his with the potato soup. They sat opposite each other holding hands across the table, and staring into each other’s eyes. Dani always thought making eye contact was special after her time in basic training and West Point had drilled it out of her. Even most of the girls at the Citadel didn’t make eye contact with her just in case she would get offended like their professors would. She wouldn’t, but they didn’t know that. 

“What season have you always wanted a wedding?” Ben asked her.   
“Summer. It has to be summer, and outside,” Dani answered. “I’ve always wanted a wedding outside amongst the grass and trees fully green,”   
“Summer it is.” He said, then asked “is there anything else your dreams are made of?”   
“We have to do it at a time when both Hannah and Avery are home from the war. They’re going to be my maids of honor, and I simply won’t do it if the two of them can’t be there.”   
“That might make summer difficult,” he said.   
“I know. And I’d rather them be there than be in the summer. I know this makes a lot of last minute planning because we never know their schedules, but they absolutely need to be there.”   
“I can do last minute. When does Hannah come home this time?”   
“I don’t know. If she’s there for a year it’ll be June, and that seems to be the average amount of time units spend in country but there’s no guarantees, and what she does is so needed over there that I think she may stay. I hope she comes home soon. I’m worried about her whenever she’s over there, and her last letter didn’t sound very positive about the whole thing. She’s thinking about quitting the army and coming home permanently but she can’t until next year sometime. I think if we plan for 6 months from now, Avery will be standing and walking and Hannah will be home, and maybe if she won’t be home she can ask for some leave to come home. I know that’s always touch and go with soldiers in foreign countries but maybe if we give her enough notice she can get here. She’d have to take time off anyway to come up for a long weekend. So 6 months sounds reasonable, I think.”   
“6 months is awfully quick. Can we get everything done by then?” he asked.   
“I don’t want too much. I don’t have too many people to invite. Just my family and the two of them and maybe Wendy” she added having almost forgotten Wendy. “I don’t talk to anyone else from college or from my old job”  
“I don’t have too many people other than family, but I have a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles and nephews and nieces. People in my family always have large families.”   
“How many do you think?”   
“60 adults and 40 kids?” he asked. She gawked at him. She had known he was from a big family, but she hadn’t really understood what that meant until just now.   
60 adults and 40 kids? That’s a huge number, I’ve got like 10 people.” She said.   
“I know, but it can’t be helped. That’s only my brothers and sisters, their kids, my aunts and uncles, and my parents. It doesn’t even start on my cousins.”   
She gawked. “How are we going to afford this?” she asked.   
“My parents will help, I’m sure,” he said, “they know the big wedding is because of their families.”   
“Did you ask them already?” she asked   
“Yes,” he answered. “They’re the ones who told me I didn’t have to invite all my cousins if we wanted to make it smaller.”   
“Do you have friends on top of that?”   
“A few. It can be limited to 5 friends” he said.   
“Okay. So a large wedding it is. I never imagined I’d have a large wedding, but it’ll be worth it.”   
“Tell me about your dream dress” he said   
“Full length, A line, sleeveless, with a veil that reaches down to the floor, and oh purple flowers everywhere. I don’t suppose you have a little niece or nephew do you? We need a flower girl if we’re going to do a big wedding.”  
“As a matter of fact, I have two little ones. A 5 year old girl and a 4 year old boy who can be the ring barer. Everyone else is over 10, and it would be appropriate to have them just be guests, I think.”   
“Oh good,” she said.  
“So, purple flowers,” he asked.   
“Yes, purple flowers, and purple dresses for the wedding party.”   
“That’s a lot of purple,” he commented.   
“I know. I love purple,” she answered.   
“Then purple it is.”   
The waiter came with his soup, and he dipped his spoon in hungrily. “This is my favorite soup, you know that? We don’t just come here because of your issues, but because it is my favorite restaurant and has my favorite soup.”   
She smiled. 

They continued talking about wedding plans until the waiter came back with their steaks, which they each ate quickly, without much talking. There was a lifetime to talk. There was only so much time to enjoy this steak. Dani finished first, since she had a smaller steak, and as Ben finished, the waiter brought the check. She tried to take it, but he grabbed it before she could, and paid the whole amount without splitting it, as they usually did. “It’s my treat,” he said to her. She just blushed. As she blushed she took his hand, and together they walked out of the restaurant and back to Ben’s car. He drove her back to her house, and she went inside without him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Hannah want to stay in the army her whole career?

Hannah stood with about 50 other men and women at Fort Benning. She was smiling and crying at the same time. She had not felt at home in the army since Tim died, and today was the day she made it official. It was the day she got her DD-214 - her military separation paperwork. She could go on to lead a normal life, maybe get into management in some company that would keep her primarily in the US. She could mend whatever was wrong between herself and Avery, and she could be the maid of honor at Dani’s wedding. She could do all these things without asking permission. She could wear short skirts that only went to her knees and show her legs. She could wear short sleeves when the temperature got above 80. These were all things she couldn’t do in uniform, and she was almost always in uniform. She smiled again, and wiped the tears from her eyes. 

She had to go through classes learning how to be a civilian: don’t yell at people beneath her, don’t expect everything to come to her like food and clothing allowances. She could still go to the PX, if she decided to live near a military base. But she also knew she could choose to live absolutely anywhere, and Maine called her name, if she could get a job there. She decided to look carefully. But first there were classes on how to address your superiors and how to address your inferiors, and what normal civilian life looked like. She could get through them. It was just a week of her life, and then they would give her a plane ticket anywhere she wanted to go. She had chosen to go to Dani’s house since she had to get there later this month anyway for the wedding, and Dani said she absolutely could stay as long as she wanted, and use her as a home base to get a job. If she wanted to stay while Hannah stood with about 50 other men and women at Fort Benning. She was smiling and crying at the same time. She had not felt at home in the army since Tim died, and today was the day she made it official. It was the day she got her DD-214 - her military separation paperwork. She could go on to lead a normal life, maybe get into management in some company that would keep her primarily in the US. She could mend whatever was wrong between herself and Avery, and she could be the maid of honor at Dani’s wedding. She could do all these things without asking permission. She could wear short skirts that only went to her knees and show her legs. She could wear short sleeves when the temperature got above 80. These were all things she couldn’t do in uniform, and she was almost always in uniform. She smiled again, and wiped the tears from her eyes. 

She had to go through classes learning how to be a civilian: don’t yell at people beneath her, don’t expect everything to come to her like food and clothing allowances. She could still go to the PX, if she decided to live near a military base. But she also knew she could choose to live absolutely anywhere, and Maine called her name, if she could get a job there. She decided to look carefully. But first there were classes on how to address your superiors and how to address your inferiors, and what normal civilian life looked like. She could get through them. It was just a week of her life, and then they would give her a plane ticket anywhere she wanted to go. She had chosen to go to Dani’s house since she had to get there later this month anyway for the wedding, and Dani said she absolutely could stay as long as she wanted, and use her as a home base to get a job. If she wanted to stay while Dani and Ben were on their honeymoon, she was welcome to housesit, and they would appreciate it. 

Hannah hadn’t seen Avery since just after the accident, and she wasn’t sure what to expect. She knew from letters that they had done skin grafts to get rid of the burn marks, but she wasn’t certain that skin grafts ever looked completely normal. She knew Avery was walking unassisted now, which was excellent news. Maybe she would go back into the army, if that’s what she wanted. Hannah knew Avery planned on getting her full 20 years in and retiring from service. Hannah had originally thought that one day she would do the same thing, but now she was glad to be leaving. 

She had boxed up everything in her house and a moving company had moved it to a storage shed just off the base. The military would pay to have it shipped wherever she wanted, as long as she picked a place within 3 months. She hoped she had a job by then. She remembered how much difficulty Dani had in getting a job when she left West Point, but the economy was better now, wasn’t it? She thought there were jobs for college educated women with management experience. She hoped so anyway. 

She sat down in a chair next to two people who had been sergeants and talked to them like normal people. No longer did they have to salute her, and no longer did she have to keep her distance. They were all going back to the civilian world, and they were expected to act like it. She asked them what they planned to do. One of them told her he had been a machinist, so he expected he could get a civilian machinist job earning almost 5 times as much as he was earning in the army. He had joined the army to get the training for free, but now he had it, and he wanted to make some money. The other told her his father owned a restaurant and he was going in as a manager and already had a job. They both frowned when she said she didn’t know what she was going to do. She could not go into the family line of work; the family line of work was the military. She had to get a job on her own. But she could go into management, or maybe coaching college basketball like Dani had done. And her time building bridges would help her get an engineering job if she couldn’t find anything else. She shrugged. She just wanted out. 

A corporal called her name and handed her plane tickets to Charleston. She took them and got into the bus that would take her to the airport. The bus slowly filled, then departed. They got to the airport with her suitcase filled with everything she would own until she got a job and a place to live. She had purchased two pairs of jeans and seven tops and that was really all she felt she needed. She could always go shopping with Dani once she got to Charleston. 

She got on the plane dressed in civilian clothes for the first time since she had left for West Point. She had always traveled in BDUs. Now she looked like everyone else, and she thought she was starting to think like everyone else. They called her seat number and she got on the plane. When she landed she climbed the escalator to meet Dani who was getting used to standing at the top of the escalator waiting for her friends. She hugged Dani, and they went to find her suitcase. They got in Dani’s car and drove to her house, where Ben had moved in and was waiting for them watching a basketball game on the TV. Dani introduced them, and they all three fell to talking like old friends. 

Hannah went upstairs to send an email to Wendy asking if she knew anything of jobs that she might get. She’d like to try her hand at coaching she said, or business. Maybe engineering if she had to, but she needed a job within 3 months. Wendy wrote back that she knew West Point was having a job fair for their graduates in July, but she didn’t know any more specifics than that. Hannah looked on the alumni portal, and made a reservation, and then made a hotel reservation for the weekend she’d be away. 

She went back downstairs, and had dinner amongst friends for the first time in a year. e Dani and Ben were on their honeymoon, she was welcome to housesit, and they would appreciate it. 

Hannah hadn’t seen Avery since just after the accident, and she wasn’t sure what to expect. She knew from letters that they had done skin grafts to get rid of the burn marks, but she wasn’t certain that skin grafts ever looked completely normal. She knew Avery was walking unassisted now, which was excellent news. Maybe she would go back into the army, if that’s what she wanted. Hannah knew Avery planned on getting her full 20 years in and retiring from service. Hannah had originally thought that one day she would do the same thing, but now she was glad to be leaving. 

She had boxed up everything in her house and a moving company had moved it to a storage shed just off the base. The military would pay to have it shipped wherever she wanted, as long as she picked a place within 3 months. She hoped she had a job by then. She remembered how much difficulty Dani had in getting a job when she left West Point, but the economy was better now, wasn’t it? She thought there were jobs for college educated women with management experience. She hoped so anyway.   
She sat down in a chair next to two people who had been sergeants and talked to them like normal people. No longer did they have to salute her, and no longer did she have to keep her distance. They were all going back to the civilian world, and they were expected to act like it. She asked them what they planned to do. One of them told her he had been a machinist, so he expected he could get a civilian machinist job earning almost 5 times as much as he was earning in the army. He had joined the army to get the training for free, but now he had it, and he wanted to make some money. The other told her his father owned a restaurant and he was going in as a manager and already had a job. They both frowned when she said she didn’t know what she was going to do. She could not go into the family line of work; the family line of work was the military. She had to get a job on her own. But she could go into management, or maybe coaching college basketball like Dani had done. And her time building bridges would help her get an engineering job if she couldn’t find anything else. She shrugged. She just wanted out. 

A corporal called her name and handed her plane tickets to Charleston. She took them and got into the bus that would take her to the airport. The bus slowly filled, then departed. They got to the airport with her suitcase filled with everything she would own until she got a job and a place to live. She had purchased two pairs of jeans and seven tops and that was really all she felt she needed. She could always go shopping with Dani once she got to Charleston.   
She got on the plane dressed in civilian clothes for the first time since she had left for West Point. She had always traveled in BDUs. Now she looked like everyone else, and she thought she was starting to think like everyone else. They called her seat number and she got on the plane. When she landed she climbed the escalator to meet Dani who was getting used to standing at the top of the escalator waiting for her friends. She hugged Dani, and they went to find her suitcase. They got in Dani’s car and drove to her house, where Ben had moved in and was waiting for them watching a basketball game on the TV. Dani introduced them, and they all three fell to talking like old friends.   
Hannah went upstairs to send an email to Wendy asking if she knew anything of jobs that she might get. She’d like to try her hand at coaching she said, or business. Maybe engineering if she had to, but she needed a job within 3 months. Wendy wrote back that she knew West Point was having a job fair for their graduates in July, but she didn’t know any more specifics than that. Hannah looked on the alumni portal, and made a reservation, and then made a hotel reservation for the weekend she’d be away.   
She went back downstairs, and had dinner amongst friends for the first time in a year.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery is relearning how to run

Avery was seeing her physical therapist every week and the only thing left to do before she was cleared for service again was learn to run. She was using a treadmill on a painfully slow speed, holding most of her weight on handrails on the side of the machine. She moved her legs in the familiar pattern, and fell as often as not. Still, she could walk unassisted now, and would be able to stand through Dani’s wedding without anything holding her up. That was good, right? Sure it had been 18 months since it happened, but some things were slow, and really she had been lucky to walk out alive. Not everyone with her in that APC had been so lucky. She walked away and sat down, drinking some water. 

“Let’s do some balancing exercises” her physical therapist said, and she took her to a platform on the top of half a ball. Just put one foot on each side of this ball, and stand there as long as you can. Avery made it exactly 3 seconds before falling off again. “Hmm. I’ll get you one of these balls and you can try this at home. Start somewhere you can put a hand on the wall and work up to just standing on it. That should help with the running, too, since you have to be able to balance on each foot to run properly. We’re also going to start you just balancing on each foot, as long as you can, ten times each leg,” Avery nodded. She willed her legs to get stronger, and her sense of balance to return. She knew she would do everything she could to get better, including doing all these exercises twice as often as she was ordered to.   
She went home with a ball with a platform attached, and an order to purchase new shoes. It had been 18 months since she’d had new shoes, at least, and running shoes weren’t supposed to last that long. She could drive herself now, so she got in the car and went to the PX where she bought a pair of black, blue, and green running shoes. She threw hers out and wore the new pair home. They didn’t make her any more capable of running, but they felt a lot better, especially where the heels of the others were starting to wear out. 

She started attending physical training every day with her unit, although she only did the pushups, sit ups and pull ups. She knew keeping her strength up was the most important thing she could do for herself if she wanted to stay in the army, which she did. She knelt on the ground holding other people’s feet while they did sit ups. Avery watched the slowest runners come in at a 10 minute mile, and she fretted. What if that was her after all of this? What if she could just barely pass her timed tests. She had been so proud of her 7 minute mile. And yet, 18 months without practice had weakened her. She knew it. She couldn’t run at all anymore, so she figured passing a PT test at all was a good long term goal. She wondered how long she would be given to accomplish it at the end of this. Surely she wouldn’t be kept out of her unit’s work until she could pass a PT test. That wouldn’t make any sense, would it? 

She walked a little, then she ran three steps and fell to her knee. Her first lieutenant snapped “what are you doing? You are on no run jump march orders, and those must be strictly obeyed. They are a direct order from a superior officer. If someone found out you were running out here, it would be both our asses.” He was right, of course, so Avery stood at attention while she watched the runners come in again. The runners passed her without looking at her. They all knew they were lucky not to be in her position. If she had taken the rear instead of the front, it would have been different men out there when the IED went off. 

She decided to walk around the track once, just to get a little bit of exercise. She still was comfortably under the weight she needed to maintain to stay in the army, but she had gained a few pounds. She figured burning a few calories would be a good idea, even if it was just at a walk. She walked until it was time to do pushups, then she joined her unit on the ground yelling numbers and pushing her butt up into the air, and then allowing it to fall down again. 

They ran again afterwards, and Avery walked another two laps while they ran four. Then they got on the ground and did sit ups. This she could do. She pumped herself up and started blowing them out. She smiled. It was good to be good at something physical, even if previously it had been her least favorite of the physical training test activities. Push ups hurt her legs, but she could do them, although not as many as she used to because she had to stop and give herself some time to rest in the middle of the two minutes, but she could do sit ups. The unit went to run again and she walked another two laps, then she came back to pull ups, and thought this was another thing she could do, but she had waited too long between trying to do pull ups and she could now just barely pull herself up on the bar once and hang there in the position that was used to test women instead of number of pull ups. She struggled to remain there and made up her ind that she would come out and do pull ups every day after work until she could do them again. She was ashamed that she had let herself slip so much. But it felt good to be out and working out again. It was something she had always enjoyed. She gave herself mad props for doing it before she was directly ordered to do it. She came back on her own terms and not someone else’s, although she had gotten permission from her physical therapist, who was her superior officer for the time being in her chain of command. She smiled. It felt good. She felt good. For the first time in 18 months, she felt good, and she knew it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani gets married

Ben and his two best friends from college stood under a canopy at the beach. He was trying not to fidget but he had never been so nervous in his life, nor so excited. A pianist played some music while people filed in and sat down in the plastic chairs lined up facing Ben. His mother and father sat in the front, and someone he assumed was Dani’s mother sat in the front on the opposite side of the aisle. Dani, as promised, didn’t have much family, but his took up the whole space. People came in and sat down next to exactly whom he would have predicted they would, and talked to all the usual people. No one talked to Dani’s mother. His family was really a bunch of bastards, sometimes. Finally, Wendy came in and talked to her. He didn’t have too much time to ruminate because the pianist started playing Here Comes The Bride, and his niece and nephew, the flower girl and ring barer walked in followed by Avery and Hannah followed by Dani and her father. He stopped fidgeting. He had never seen her look so gorgeous. 

When Dani and her father got to the end of the aisle, Dani’s father guided her into her position facing Ben in front fo the room. Then he backed off, and Dani became his whole world, and he became Dani’s whole world. The priest was talking. He asked Ben to repeat after him, and Ben said his vows. Then Dani said hers. Finally, he pronounced them man and wife, and gave his blessing for them to kiss. Ben lifted her veil and gently kissed her lips. She reached behind his head, pulling him to her, and they did so while everyone applauded. 

They went from the beach to a large room to the side of the boardwalk where a DJ played the song Dani and her father had picked out for a dance together, and then Dani and Ben danced the night away, or at least their guests did. Dani’s legs hurt too badly, and she slipped out to the open bar and even though she knew she shouldn’t have alcohol, ordered a champagne. Then she and her parents and Hannah and Avery sat and talked. Eventually one of Ben’s cousins asked Avery to dance, and she made her way to the dance floor. 

There was dinner, and it was all foods that Dani could eat dressed up to be fancy. She started with shrimp and calamari, then had a steak, and finally a gluten free cake they had had ordered especially for her. It wasn’t as delicious as she remembered real wedding cake being, but it wouldn’t make her hurt tomorrow, and that was important. There was a groom’s cake that was real cake if any of her guests didn’t like the big cake. She and Ben cut the cake together, and then someone saved them the top layer to eat on their one year anniversary when it would be disgustingly stale but for some reason people still did this. The new couple was seated at a table with both of their parents, while Hannah and Avery were seated with some cousins of Ben’s at another table. 

Ben’s parents talked to each other while Dani’s parents talked to each other. Ben and Dani talked to each other, each of them ignoring their parents.   
“So what’s next on your agenda?” Dani asked him, teasing a little.   
“Maybe a state title?” he asked.   
“I think we can do it. This year’s seniors look like a great bunch, and I’m hopeful,” she answered. “But what do you think should be next for us?”   
“‘Maybe you could come off the birth control?” he asked.   
“I was hoping you would say that,” she answered, and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled.   
As people finished dinner, the DJ started playing dance music again, and Dani pulled Ben to the floor, “I think I’ve got another song in me,” she said, “and I love this one” she said as Love Story came on. They danced to one song, then another, until in the middle of the 4th song, she shook her head, “sorry, I have to sit again,” and they walked to the bar and had another glass of champagne. 

At midnight, the DJ stopped playing music, and everyone went outside just to realize everyone had rental cars, and no one was entirely sure which car was theirs. There was a lot of playing around with beepers to make the cars make noise, and eventually everyone sorted themselves into the proper car. Dani’s father drove her and Ben to their hotel. They went to the honeymooners suite on the top floor, and Dani put on a neglige and washed her makeup off. She hated wearing make up, but Hannah had insisted on doing it for her. And she had to admit she looked good. She walked into the main room, and Ben looked up, still dressed in his tux. “Wow,” he said. Then “wow” again. She walked over to him and started removing his coat. The had to be careful with it as it was rented, so she carefully hung it up, as she went, the two of them laughing at the absurdity of the thing. 

She flashed her pill package, “you sure you don’t want me to take one of these?” she asked.   
“Forget them,” he answered, and she threw the package in the small trashcan in the room. He finished undressing. 

The next day, Dani, Hannah, and Avery, along with Ben and his two friends, spent the entire day in the ocean, jumping into waves, and laughing together. All the family members went home, but since it was summer break, Dani and Ben had decided to stay at the beach for a few days, and Hannah had decided to stay with them. Avery had to go back to work tomorrow, but she was only 3 hours from home, so she spent a day with her friends, and drove home after dinner.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah finds a job

Hannah went to a job fair much like the one Dani had gone to five years prior. There were several companies which set up at booths hoping to recruit veterans to their companies. Hannah spoke to each of them. There was everyone from summer camps looking for managers to banks looking for security personnel. Hannah considered, for the first time, what she wanted. She wanted to sit at a desk and not do customer service. She wanted to live within the US. She still wanted to feel like she was serving her country, and helping people who needed help. She didn’t want to wind up too stressed out. She didn’t want a lot of overtime. She talked to a lot of companies that wanted managers, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to be a manager. 

She arranged interviews with four companies that she thought looked promising, and who thought she looked promising. She wasn’t sure if she really qualified for banking security, but the only thing they asked for was top secret security clearance and advanced calculus classes in college. Hannah had both of those, and might even remember some of the calculus. So she set up the interviews and left feeling hopeful. 

The next week she went in for the first interview for a banking security company, and she tried to anticipate things they might ask her and what she could ask them. The things she was concerned about were mostly the culture of the company. She didn’t want to wind up back in a military company, but she wanted to feel welcomed after her time in the military. It was a tough middle to find. She also was concerned about how management responded to problems. She was asked about how she handled problems, and to talk about a time she had had a disagreement with a coworker. The military wasn’t big on disagreements between coworkers. Pretty much you didn’t have much interaction with people your own rank unless you were enlisted, so then it was either orders up or down the chain of command. Instead, she talked about how Avery had left her for a boy and how they had repaired their relationship. 

They asked her what her expectations were about over time, and told her the dress code. She had to admit she hadn’t really though of a civilian dress code. She had worn BDUs every day for the last 5 years, and didn’t own much else besides a pair of jeans, seven tops and the suit she was wearing now. They told her what they expected of her, and she agreed that she could follow those instructions. She’d have to get Dani to take her shopping and buy a few dresses and maybe some pant suits. She probably needed five new outfits for now. 

She was offered the job on the spot, and accepted the same way. She would have to move to Atlanta, which she was glad of because she’d be between Dani and Avery, a day’s drive from each. He told her the company was right off the perimeter and I-85, and she’d probably want to live in Doraville or Norcross because traffic in Atlanta was legendary. She would start in a month to give her time to move and get settled. 

Dani and Hannah went to Atlanta to look at apartments together, and go shopping a few times. They found the best apartment they could find which would allow pets, which was one of Hannah’s requirements for a place to live. She was right at the corner of Jimmy Carter and Holcomb Bridge. It was large and had access to a pool and gym included. She applied to the apartment to move in the next week. 

Dani took Hannah shopping They went to Gwinnett Mall, which was run down and derelict. “I wasn’t quite expecting this,” Hannah said, walking past the 4th empty storefront.   
“Right? Maybe we should ask facebook where to shop around here,” Dani replied, heading back to her car and then back to the hotel. They sat on Dani’s bed and tried to look for places to shop. When they finally got suggestions of going to the forum in Peachtree Corners, they got back in the car and headed that direction. There was a Macy’s there, and they were able to find five dresses that fit Hannah, along with a pair of slacks and two tops to go with it. They stopped for frozen yogurt, which Dani could eat as long as she didn’t put any toppings on it except for fruit. It kind of ruined the fun, but Hannah was treating, and Dani didn’t want to be a spoil sport when she could participate. Hannah threw together a series of candies and fruits and they sat together and ate quietly. 

They went shopping for furniture since it was the first time Hannah had lived in an unfurnished apartment. She bought a bed, a couch, and a television, and figured everything else could wait. Later she discovered she needed a microwave and table and chairs, which she went by herself to buy. 

The next Saturday, Dani went home, leaving Hannah in a hotel by herself waiting until Tuesday when she could move. Tuesday finally came, and Hannah moved into her apartment. The furniture delivery people came the same day, and she made the bed, and then flopped onto it. The queen bed seemed too large without Tim. 

Three weeks later, Hannah started her new job She walked in the door, and asked for her boss at the front desk. The girl there called him up on the phone and Hannah stood nearby to wait. Her boss came down and picked her up, then he introduced her to one of her coworkers who, he said, would give her a tour and get her started. The office was large, but with only the security people’s area it was smaller than the building she was used to on the base. There was a medium sized lunch room, where Hannah put her lunch in the refrigerator, and then they started teaching her the job. She watched a series of videos all day for the first week before they let her try to do anything herself, and it was 6 months before she was completely independent. She enjoyed the work, and didn’t dread going to work every day. The pay was decent enough to allow her to have fun on top of paying her living expenses, and the hours were better than the army, if not only 8 hours a day. Sometimes there was over time, but it was made up for by the times that she had nothing to do for a day. On Fridays she was allowed to work from home, and she enjoyed working in her pajamas.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah gets a dog

Hannah walked into her apartment, cold and alone. There was no one to welcome her home, and if she was honest, she didn’t want a human, but maybe a dog or a cat would be nice. Then she could curl up with a good book and an animal and a cup of tea, and enjoy her nights alone. It was something, right? She got on the internet and googled ‘pet adoptions’ and started looking at pets. She decided she wanted a dog but only about 15 pounds of dog when it was finished growing: maybe a shih tzu or a maltese. But she wanted to rescue a dog, not get one from a puppy mill, so maybe a mixed breed is what she’d end up with. She found a no kill shelter she could visit, and emailed them to ask when it would be okay for her to come in. 

They got back to her with their hours the next morning around 9, and Saturday, she headed that direction. She got there, and a woman met her at the front desk and asked what she was looking for in a dog. “Our small dogs are in this room,” she said, opening a door to a room filled with small dogs running around. A little hairy thing ran up and jumped up on her knees. “Who’s this little guy?” she asked, reaching down to pet him. 

“That’s Bandit” the woman said. He’s back for a second adoption after his first owners got divorced and neither of them could take the dog in the settlement.   
“Poor thing!” Hannah said. 

The woman introduced Hannah to five or six more dogs, but the whole time Bandit was jumping up on her, and trying to get her attention. 

“I think this dog picked me,” she said, finally picking Bandit up and letting him lick her face. The woman attached a leash to Bandit’s neck, and told her there was just a little bit of paper work to do before she could leave with the dog. The paperwork asked about previous pets and whether she had gotten approved for a pet at her apartment. She had picked the apartment because it was pet friendly, so she lied and said she’d gotten prior permission. Then she went home and paid the pet deposit and brought Bandit to a little private dog park that the apartment had for residents’ dogs. She took him to PetSmart to buy everything she needed for a dog. The accouterments were more expensive than the dog himself, she thought, picking up a collar and leash to replace the one looped around the dog’s neck. Bandit started sniffing the butt of a much larger dog, who curled around, snarling at him. Hannah picked Bandit up, “hey, that’s enough of that!” she said.

Her last stop was to make an appointment at Banfield to get shots and make sure the dog is in good health. She made the appointment for that Friday after work, and then took Bandit to the front to pay for a shopping cart full of everything from a crate to a few toys to a huge bag of dry food. 

She got home and fed the dog, and took him outside again. Then she curled up in bed with the dog, a mug of chamomile tea, and a mystery she was reading. The dog tried to place himself between her and her book, and she laughed, picking him up and letting him lick her face. “Do you want to play?” she asked and the dog wagged his tail. “Okay, we’ll play,” she said, picking up a stuffed dachshund and rubbing it in the dog’s face. “What’s this? What’s this?” she asked as Bandit jumped up biting at the stuffed dog’s nose. “Do you know fetch?” she asked, throwing the toy. Bandit ran over to it, and started humping it. Hannah laughed “bring it back, Bandit!” she said, but Bandit was more determined to hump it than bring it back. He started barking, and Hannah took the toy away from him, bopping him on the nose with it again. He charged at the toy, and then put himself in Hannah’s lap, licking the under side of her chin. She rubbed him behind his ears, and called him a good boy. 

Monday she had to go to work, and she took the dog out before work, then locked him in a crate. He cried, and her heart broke, but she knew it was for the best. She went to work, and came home 9 hours later. The dog barked and jumped around frantically when she walked in the door. She took him back to the dog park and played with him there for half an hour before returning home to get both of them dinner. “I feel bad leaving you for 9 hours every day,” she said to the dog, who just cocked his head at her. “Maybe we’ll get you into doggy day care” she mused, getting back on google and looking for places to mind her dog all day. She found a place pretty near by that she passed on her way to and from work. She called them, and they confirmed that they could take the dog and had places available immediately. She just needed to provide evidence of a rabies shot. “He’ll be getting it Friday,” she told them, and they told her they would see her Monday. 

The doggy daycare place posted pictures of the dogs throughout the day, and Hannah found herself stalking their website hoping for pictures of Bandit. There were always one or two each day, and he always looked like he was having fun with the other dogs. Still he was always excited to see her, running up to her and jumping on her knees. She took him to the dog park every day, and most days there was an older woman with a dachshund there, whom she talked to superficially.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Ben go on a honeymoon

Dani and Ben waited to the end of the summer for their honeymoon. They were going to Hawaii. She hadn’t yet unpacked from visiting Hannah, so she quickly unpacked her suitcase, then repacked it with swim suits, shorts, and tees as well as a neglige, She was looking forwards to the trip. Ben packed a suitcase and weighed it. It was 3 pounds over weight, and he quickly shoved some stuff in a carry on. They took an Uber to the airport, and then got through security before stopping at a Starbucks to get coffee. They drank and sat on their laptops for an hour before it was time to take off. The flight had internet which was the first time Dani had had that. She got online, and spent the time chatting with Avery who was excited that she had run for 5 steps before almost falling over at PT that morning. Dani was encouraged by this. Ben fell asleep watching a movie, and was snoring a bit. 

They arrived on the big island and went up the escalator to baggage claim where someone met them with their name written on a note card. This person carried their bags, and brought them to a limo, which drove them to a hotel where they got room keys and their luggage was brought up to their room for them. They were on one of the top floors, and could see the ocean from their private balcony. There was a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice on the table in the room along with two glasses. Ben poured himself one, and Dani decided she’d have one too. She hadn’t been in too much pain after drinking at her wedding, so maybe that wasn’t one of her triggers. They sat and drank and wound up in bed for a quickie before going downstairs for dinner. 

The next day, they went scuba diving with sea turtles, and Dani was amazed at how big they were and how they also seemed to have no fear of her as she swam up beside them. She thought she could almost reach out and touch them, although the SCUBA master had warned them that that was against the law, and their experience would be over if they did it. She watched barely breathing, whether it was from awe or nerves about the SCUBA equipment. They mostly saw Green sea turtles, but even saw a leatherback, which they were told was the most rare kind at this spot. The dive lasted an hour, and afterwards had a luncheon with sandwiches and fresh tropical fruits, some of which Dani had never heard of before such as a dragon fruit which was purple and spiky on the outside, but white with black seeds in the inside. When they could eat no more, they walked back to the hotel, and sat on the beach for the rest of the day. 

They alternately spent days on adventures or sitting in the surf jumping through waves in the ocean. They did a simple hike up to a volcano. “I’m glad we did the simple one. I’m not sure I could have done anything more strenuous,” Dani said limping a little as they reached the top of the volcano. They spread out a lunch picnic and sat to eat sandwiches and a dark chocolate candybar. The way back down was harder than the way up, and Dani was limping heavily by the time they re-met up with the bus back to the hotel. She barely managed to limp to her room, and Ben offered her a massage. She fell face first into the bed and accepted. 

They went on a boat tour to see the mating whales one day, and Dani was able to sit in a seat looking out the window, and see them. She was trying to take pictures of them when the captain got on the PA and announced that the best way to get pictures was to take video and then take screen caps of the good parts of the video. “I should have thought of that,” she muttered, and switched to video, recording two humpback whales that spent considerable time next to the ship. 

They enjoyed the trip. The last night they went out to the beach and Ben held Dani and she rested her head on his chest. They melted together in the summer heat.  
Their final day was spent getting to the airport and Dani posted her pictures to Facebook while they waited for the plane. It was early and they were not used to getting up this early after the last week of lounging in bed for hours after they woke up. Ben and Dani slept the entire flight to Los Angeles. Then they decided to watch a movie together for the flight to Charleston. They picked a superhero movie they hadn’t seen yet, and they watched it laughing and Dani might have even cried a little. 

The basketball season started soon, and they were hopeful about their upcoming season as new girls had been recruited who looked to be the most promising class of freshmen they had ever had.   
“Netflix and chill?” he asked her as they got back to their house.  
“Only if you literally mean Netflix and chill. I hurt like anything after today,” she said.   
“Netflix and chill it is,” he said, flicking on the television.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah tries dating again

Hannah looked at her phone. She had installed Tindr to see if maybe she could find a date. She still missed Tim, but she knew that she was young and she would never be young again. It had been 3 years, and maybe it was time to find someone Maybe not someone she could spend her whole life with, but someone she could enjoy a Saturday with. Especially now that she wasn’t near either Avery or Dani anymore.   
She looked at the questions they were asking here. There were a lot of them. “The more you answer the more scientific your matches will be,” it claimed. She sighed. “Do you believe that parents should have the option of sending gifted children to charter schools?” “no” “Do you believe that we spend too much money on the military?” “no” Great now I’m both left and right. She sighed. I can’t believe I’m going to find someone on the basis of politics,” she muttered, and put the app down. She picked it back up. “Maybe I can just look at other people?” She thought and then started looking at people. Swipe left for yes and right for no. She looked at the first profile. Instead of a picture, there was just a picture of a penis. “Swipe right” she thought, disgusted. The next profile asked her to consider someone who lived in Mozambique and maybe they would meet one day. Swipe right. No, she’d done the long distance thing long enough, and look where it got her. “I’m in the marine corps and I love to…” Swipe right. Marines were the dumbest branch of service, and also the most dangerous. She didn’t want to lose someone again. She put the phone down. “Maybe I’m just destined to be alone.” She thought dully. She looked one more time “I’m a muslim who believes that…” swipe right. She really needed a Christian. She couldn’t imagine bringing someone of another faith into her life in any intimate way. How would they ever understand her when that was so key to her life? She put the phone down again. This time she didn’t pick it up again.   
She called Dani. “You know, I thought I’d pick up Tindr and see what was out there” she said. “But, there is no one as perfect as Tim, and I can’t even imagine myself meeting any of these people. One person even sent me a picture of a penis instead of a face,” she ranted a bit.   
“Online dating sucks” Dani agreed. “I only tried it once before giving up on humanity.”   
“I just want a date or two, not to replace Tim”  
“I know. And most of the people on there just want to get laid anyway,” Dani answered.   
“I don’t want to get laid. That seems disloyal. I just want to have a little fun” Hannah answered.   
“I don’t know anyone in Atlanta, but I have a cousin in Macon maybe you could get together to hang out at least? I don’t think he’s looking for a relationship, but he might be open to going fishing or boating or something.”   
“Yeah, I’d like that, thanks” Hannah told her. They hung up. 

The next day her phone rang “Hannah?” the voice asked, “My name is John, I’m Dani’s cousin” They arranged to meet at Lake Tobesofkee the next weekend, where they would rent a speed boat, and John would bring some fishing equipment. He had some to spare. They’d spend the day on the lake, and it would be the most social activity Hannah had had since Dani’s wedding a year ago. She missed the camaraderie of the army sometimes. She almost regretted leaving sometimes. There was nothing quite like it in the world. 

While she was talking to John the next weekend, he mentioned a group of people he hung out with. There was even a chapter in Atlanta. They were called the SCA, and they recreated the history of the middle ages with sword fighting, even melee fighting in a large army, and arts, and costuming. He introduced her to the person who was in charge of newcomers for the Atlanta area. 

On Wednesday, she pulled into the Decatur Rec Center, and asked someone who was sitting there for Justina. She got introduced, and the group was largely sitting around doing crafts or just talking. She was welcomed by almost everyone, and invited to come to Knoxville for an event the next month. She watched people hand sewing, and other people making cords out of floss half paying attention to what they were doing and half chatting with their friends. “So what are you interested in?” the girl asked her.   
“I don’t really know,” she admitted.   
“What do you do outside of the SCA?” she asked Hannah.   
“I haven’t done much since I left the army,” she admitted.   
“Hey, were you any good with the pugil sticks? I might have something for you.”   
“I wasn’t bad. About average.” Hannah answered.   
“Come out on Sunday at noon to the park. We have an army. It’s the closest thing to the army I’ve found since leaving myself”

On Sunday, Hannah showed up at the park. She was duct taped into a suit of medieval armor and handed a stick. “It’s just like pugil sticks” the girl from Wednesday told her. “Hit me in the head” Hannah tapped her in the head.   
“No, like this,” the girl said, hauling off and hitting her full force across the head.   
Hannah swung her stick and hit the girl in the side of the head “Excellent!” she answered. She pointed out that you could hit a person between the knees and wrists and let Hannah fight her a little. Hannah was pretty good at it. That military training for bayonets might actually come in handy. Other people invited her to fight as the 3 hour practice continued and she was getting pretty confident in her abilities. Okay, this could be fun.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery gets a big surprise

Avery ran to the bathroom to puke for the 3rd time that day “ugh.” She thought. “Food poisoning? Flu?” She emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, got up, brushed her teeth, and promised herself if she was still sick the next day, she’d go to a doctor. Her latest fling called her and asked her to Netflix and chill. “Can’t today. Totally sick” she mumbled. She curled up in bed and fell back asleep. The next morning she was still throwing up and she went to the doctor. He asked her if she could be pregnant, “I’m on birth control,” she said. He asked her a few other questions.   
“Fatigue?”   
“Yes”   
“Headaches?”   
“Minor but annoying” she admitted.   
“Tender breasts?” he asked.   
“Come to think of it, yes,” she said.   
“Can you pee in this cup?” he asked offering her a specimen collection cup. She went to the bathroom. She waited about 20 minutes and then was called back into the doctor’s office.   
“Congratulations” he said.   
“Shit” she said.   
“There are options” he said. “Abortion…”   
“No,” she said, “I could never.”  
“Adoption…” he continued.   
“I’ll think about it.” She answered. 

She went home and called Matt, who was probably the father.   
“Shit, Avery,” he said, “I… this wasn’t supposed to be serious We were just having fun You know? I don’t want to be a father. I don’t want any of this.” Then he hung up without waiting for a response. He was right. This was just fun, and she didn’t really want a long term relationship with him, either. Could she have a baby and stay in the army? What would happen to the kid if she wound up back in Iraq? She started googling “open adoption” to see if she could give the baby away but still stay in its life. She ultimately decided she couldn’t trust anyone else to take care of her baby. She would have to take care of it. For the next 9 months, she ran through her options time and time again. Of course, abortion was never an option, but there were families who would love and care for a child. Maybe she could leave the child with one of them. Dani was trying to have a baby. Maybe she would take the child? She didn’t want to offer unless she was certain. Maybe she could keep the child. Certainly there were single parents in the military. They just had to have a plan in place for the child if they got deployed. Maybe Dani or Hannah would take the child for her in that case? She called Hannah and asked her. 

Hannah agreed that between herself and Dani, they could watch a kid. Maybe Avery’s parents and younger brother would help, too. There were certainly enough people in her life to watch a child if she were sent back to Iraq or Afghanistan. Avery watched her belly swell for the next several months. She had to stop running after about 5 months, and stop doing sit ups and push ups before that. Once again she was relegated to watching her unit do PT while she stood on the side lines or walked laps while they ran. She could no longer do even a single pull up. 

She wished Hannah were still around. There had to be someone to talk to locally. She thought about everyone in her unit and realized there was no one for her to talk to. She called Hannah after work about once a week, and discussed her situation. The only woman she was close to who had ever been pregnant before was her mother, and she certainly didn’t want to discuss this with her mother. 

She made an appointment with a therapist. Not the therapist on base who would have been free, but someone outside, whom she paid without insurance so it couldn’t get back to her chain of command that she was seeing someone. She really just wanted to talk this through with someone. The woman was nice, and seemed to care about Avery and her situation. She suggested adoption, but Avery had turned down the option to herself so manny times that she just said “I can’t. I can’t let someone else have my baby.” 

“Keeping it will be extra difficult with your job” the woman said 

“I know. But I have to,” Avery said. They began to make plans for what she would need to do and what she would need to buy and how the finances would work. Working through things and having a plan helped. 

Avery went to Babies R Us and filled a shopping cart with toys, clothes, a crib, a baby monitor, and any number of other things she could think of that she would need, or saw and thought she might need. Then she did a little math. She had over $1,000 worth of stuff in the shopping cart. She needed it all but she would have to collect it a little at a time. She wondered if they did layaway there. She brought her cart to customer service, and wound up leaving everything but the crib with layaway. She went home and once again wished Hannah were here to help her put this thing together. There were little parts and pieces everywhere. She spent two hours trying to work out where everything went, until she finally had something resembling a crib. Finally, after 5 months, she stopped throwing up all the time. She filled her days with work and taking long walks trying to stay in something resembling in shape. 4 more months of not being able to run might kill her when she had to start running again every day. Her First Lieutenant sent them on a march through the woods. No one enjoyed these, but the officers often made their units do it when they were mad at them for something. It took an entire day of marching through the woods with a full ruck sack on their backs. She walked and thought it would be nice to be able to strap her baby to her back and walk. Maybe such a contraption existed. She made a mental note to add this to her layaway at Babies R Us.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Ben go on a getaway

It was Ben’s 40th birthday, and Dani was determined to make it a memorable one. First, she took him out to a nice dinner. Then she gave him his gift, and it was a big one. She had invested in two tickets to Mombassa, Kenya and a safari for two. She knew it was his dream, so she felt like the expense was worth it. She still had a little bit of savings from her first job, and she could think of no one she’d rather spend it on. She had wrapped a stuffed elephant holding the tickets, and gave it to him at dinner.   
“An elephant, my favorite!” he said seeing the stuffed animal.   
“Look what he’s holding. There’s the real gift” she said. He looked, then gasped.   
“You can’t afford this!” he protested.   
“I can. And it’s worth it to see you get your dream trip.” He hugged her, and inhaled her scent.   
“Thank you,” he murmured.   
“You’re welcome,” she said. 

It was August before they actually left. The flight to Kenya wasn’t direct, and they flew 6 hours to Amsterdam and then another 6 hours to Kenya, stopping barely long enough to scarf down food in Amsterdam. When they touched down, he leaned over and whispered, “man, we’re in Africa” to her. She smiled “we’re in Africa.” They had a short flight to the interior of the country on a little puddle jumper. When they landed there was a tall dark man with their name on a plaque. “Good evening. I take you to your hotel, then we go for night hike. See the trees; hear the animals.” Dani and Ben got their luggage and then went in the waiting car to their hotel. They stopped, and looked around. The hotel was fancy. Chandeliers hung down, and the concierge met them and took their suitcases to their room.   
An hour later they met the tall man in the lobby “I’m Monique” he said. “We take a hike.” Dani limped behind him. It had sounded like a good idea at the time. They stopped at a tree. “Acacia Tree,” Monique said, “Elephants drink fermented fruit, get drunk.”   
“Drunk elephants?” Ben asked.   
“Very danger.” Monique said.   
Just then a lion roared in the distance.   
“Hunting lion. Very danger at night. Okay at day.” They walked around with Monique pointing out different trees and animal sounds. Then they walked back to the hotel Dani fell back on the king bed. “I should have read better. I wasn’t expecting a hike” she said.   
“I wondered. Do you want a back rub?” She groaned as she rolled over and he rubbed her back.   
“I need a shower” she said after she started feeling human again. She washed, dried, and came back to bed where Ben was already asleep. She went to bed. 

The next day, they woke up early and Monique met them in the hotel lobby. He got them into the game car and drove around. They saw a lot of zebras, and that was the first animal they saw, gasping. They also saw a lot of giraffes. An elephant ran towards them, charging them and causing Monique to swear and hit the gas as fast as he could. “We get between her and baby. Don’t see baby.” He said as the elephant stopped pursuing. They stopped to watch the mother who was reunited with her baby, rubbing it with her trunk. “More near.” Monique said.   
“Elephants are my favorite” said Ben.   
“We find.” Monique said, keeping the car still until three more elephants came walking up to the mother baby pair. They watched until the elephants walked away the other direction. Then they went to find other animals. They found a pride of lions, lounging in the shade of some bushes. They stopped for lunch at their hotel, where there was a buffet set out. They ate goat meat, and then headed back out. When they were ready to turn in for the day, Monique said, “tomorrow hippo.” 

The next day Monique drove them to Tanzania, stopping for pictures at the border. They drove up to a river, and hiked up a little bit “crocodile” he said, pointing at the water. Dani could barely see a nose coming out fo the water. “More come,” Monique said, taking off at a brisk hike. They stopped at a bend in the river where seven crocodiles lounged on the beach. They took pictures, and then walked a bit farther. They came to a part of the river with three armed guards standing at attention. “Hippo” Monique said, and there were hippos standing on the other side of the river. Dani climbed down the bank on the opposite side of the river to take a selfie. As she did so the guards started yelling at her “Run!” “Run away!” she looked but didn’t see anything alarming. One of the guards aimed a gun over her shoulder. “Run up the bank!” he yelled, and she did. Then she watched as a small disturbance in the water turned around and headed back to the opposite shore. “Hippo very danger” Monique said. “Come under. Kill many.”   
Dani looked chastised. They stood on the banks of the river, and Monique brought out boxed lunches which they ate in the shade. 

They continued with the game runs for a week, and Dani did get to see her cheetah sitting on a warthog’s home while the warthog darted back and forth in front of it. “She babies there.” Monique told them.   
“Is the cheetah going to eat the babies.”   
“Maybe no. Already eat.”   
“She already would have eaten them if she were going to?” Dani asked.   
“Yes. Already eat.” Monique said. 

The final day Monique said “we see Maasai. My people, Maasai. Like trade. Bring extra shirt” Dani decided which of her shirts she could part with and brought them with her. She managed to trade them for a blanket like the Maasai wore, and they watched them show off their dancing and jumping skills. The men could jump so their feet were chest high on the next man. Dani and Ben had joined a small group of people watching this and then the women got the tourist women to join them in a dancing line that paraded through the space. Dani laughed as she danced. 

Then the trip was over, and they had to go back home.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Ben try to have kids

Sex had become more of a chore than a pleasure. They wanted to have kids, and they were following Dani’s ovulation schedule, scheduling sex for three days the week after Dani ended her cycle every month. This should have been her most likely to ovulate time but each month ended in heartbreak as Dani started to bleed again. They were seeing a doctor who was giving her a drug called Clomid, and she was taking it as prescribed, but there was still no luck.   
“It’s tonight” she told him as he suggested going out for dinner and watching a movie.   
“It’s tonight” he repeated, “but we still need to eat.”   
She agreed, and they went to Outback. While they were there they found little else to talk about. “If it doesn’t happen this month they’ll run a test to see whether my fallopian tubes are open. Also they’ll want you to do a semenalysis. They had already run scans and looked at most of her internal organs. The test had been uncomfortable, involving sending a probe up her vagina, and spinning it around. The whole thing was awful. Avery had just fallen pregnant on accident. Why couldn’t she do that? She and Ben wanted a baby so much, and there were people accidentally having them all around the world. 

She looked up adoption options but there were so many prospective families out there who would be chosen first, she knew. People with tons of money, the kind of money she used to make. Families that weren’t interracial; she didn’t see a single interracial family on any of the open adoption boards. She hoped she was being paranoid, but she didn’t think so. Families that lived in regions with the best schools, and families that could afford summer camp. There was also the option of adopting an older kid directly from social services, but she really wanted a baby. 

Quietly, she started setting aside money she could use to pay for IVF. She knew this would be tens of thousands of dollars, and she regretted spending the money on the trip to Kenya, but she couldn’t get that money back. She considered using gofundme to raise money for IVF, but who would put into it. Maybe their parents, maybe Hannah and Wendy. Unlikely, but maybe Avery, but she needed all of her money for her own kid at this point. They wouldn’t come anywhere near what they needed. Maybe they could take out a loan. She looked at her bank’s website, and under services there was the option for a personal loan. She investigated it and thought they could afford it if they needed to.   
“Time to do this thing?” she asked.   
“Time” he said. They came together, and she quietly offered a prayer that this time it would work and she would get pregnant. He rolled over and said, “movie?”   
“Captain America?” she asked.   
“Sure,” he said going to iTunes and finding the movie for rent.   
They watched the movie quietly and then fell asleep easily. 

The next morning, life continued on as it always did. They went to interview potential basketball players who were going to start their senior year of high school the next year, to try to convince them to consider the Citadel to play. It was a hard sell, joining the military for a chance to play college basketball. But she knew that some people did take the offer. They got together the next day, and did the deed again, kind of sighing at each other.   
“They sure know how to take any fun out of this,” Ben said. She nodded. 

Two weeks later, she started to bleed. “Shit” she mumbled, staring at the evidence she was once again not pregnant. She went back to the doctor. She gave her a higher dose of Clomid, and set her up to investigate her fallopian tubes. A week later she lay undressed on a table while someone injected dye into her lady bits, and watched to see if the ink came out her fallopian tubes. It was uncomfortable, like being at the lady doctor but lasting for ages instead of just a few seconds. 

“Everything looks good” the doctor told her. “We’ll need your husband to do a semenalysis and then it’s time to start a process called interuterine insemination, where we’ll collect some semen from your husband and manually insert it into your uterus. It cuts down on the chance that nothing is getting up there.” She nodded. “Your insurance should cover this, but you should know that if that doesn’t work, your insurance won’t cover IVF.” Dani nodded again. She’d already done the research. She knew that insurance didn’t cover IVF. 

Two weeks later, they were having sex again, and not enjoying it. The next time she had a period, she went to the doctor and had them look for cysts on her ovaries. Finding none, they collected semen and put it in a contraption up to her uterus. Two weeks later when she didn’t start bleeding, she took a pregnancy test, but it came back negative. Two days later she started bleeding. She had to do the entire thing again the next month, and the month after that. There was never again any sense that she even might be pregnant. She began to despair. She looked up adoption agencies again. It could take years to be selected as a potential family on these pages. There just weren’t enough unwanted babies. She thought of Avery again, jealously.

Her insurance would only pay for three rounds if interuterine insemination, so she did those 3 and then thought there was nothing else for it but IVF, and she didn’t have the money for that, although she had been saving some towards the eventuality.   
“I don’t want to think about life without ever having a baby” she told Ben.   
“I know. I don’t either” he said.   
“So we’ll find a way?” she asked.   
“We’ll find a way. We can take a loan, and pay for it over time”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani goes through IVF

Dani and Ben went over the numbers again.   
“The longest we can get a personal loan for is 60 months” she said.   
“With 12% interest” he repeated, for the millionth time.   
“At $20,000 it would be $400 a month about” she typed into the calculator.   
“A kid is expensive, even after the $400 a month” she muttered.   
“Our whole budget would have to change but I think we can do it. Look, I made a spreadsheet of expenses we can’t give up and what we could dedicate to a kid.”   
“The first 5 years of their life would be rough, but then we’d be okay by the time they went to kindergarten.” She looked at the numbers again. “It’s doable” she added.   
“I really want this” he said.   
“Me, too,” she answered. They looked each other in the eyes. Dani tried to ignore the anxiety in the pit of her stomach as she called her doctor. “We want to try a round of IVF” she told her secretary.   
“Great. We’ll get you in. You just need to call us the next time you have a menstrual cycle, and we’ll have you in. The next two weeks were interminably long before Dani started to bleed again. The appointment was arranged for 2 weeks in the future, and they would both need to be there.   
Dani and Ben sat in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Their doctor, her doctor, really, called them in and did the procedure. It was painful, and uncomfortable. “We would rather risk twins than risk having to do this again,” Dani told her.   
“Okay, I can’t make any promises, but we’ll aim high. Of course if you wind up with more than twins, you may need to selectively abort any extras. Carrying multiple kids to term is really dangerous.”   
“I understand” she said, thinking she couldn’t possibly selectively abort her children, but hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. 

The next day she went to work, and the day after that. The new class of freshmen were starting school the next week, and there would be an optional practice at which they would be sorted into junior varsity with Dani and Ben or varsity with their boss. Dani watched some of the girls play. There was one who was almost shorter than herself. A point guard, like herself, she played better than any of the other girls. “She’ll probably end up on varsity’ Dani thought, “too bad, I could mentor her” At the end of practice, the girls were sorted and to Dani’s surprise, all of the freshmen ended up on junior varsity with her, including the short girl. Her name was Leanna. Most of her active team would be the sophomores, but Leanna would play starting, for sure, even if the girl currently playing point guard didn’t like it. Her boss went out and made a short speech, welcoming the girls back to the school year. Dani took the JV girls aside, and tried to cheer them up. She offered to feed them dinner if they came over to her house the next day. 

Dani and Ben had been disappointed so many times that they didn’t really expect to be pregnant. It was just going to be one more expensive failure, she was certain. She tried not to talk about it. Ben seemed to expect the best, but she just couldn’t bring herself to believe it. 

Two weeks later, she did not bleed. She took a test, and screamed in the bathroom. She came running out, without bothering to button her pants around her waist. There was clearly a second pink line on the test. Ben picked her up and spun her around in a circle. They both laughed. She called her regular doctor for a blood test. The week between the test and her appointment for the confirmation was awfully long. She continued to go to work, and have the girls on her team over for dinners. She went to the doctor. He smiled warmly at her, “congratulations” he said. She cried. In the car on the way home she called Ben. “It’s positive” she said. He let out a whoop. “What are we doing to celebrate?” he asked.   
“I thought we might go see Black Swan,” she said.   
“Sounds perfect,” he said.   
She got home, and picked him up, and then drove to the movie theater. 

They went home and made love for fun for the first time in months. “That’s much better,” he said. “No stress” She laughed. “No stress,” she repeated. “Do you want a boy or girl?” he asked, as they lay naked next to each other.   
“As long as it’s healthy,” she said.   
“A healthy baby boy,” he said, smiling. 

Three weeks later, Dani and Ben went in for their first ultrasound. They were early, but they were considered a high risk pregnancy because of how it had been accomplished, and because of Dani’s age. They ran a genetic test for Downs Syndrome and other trisomy disorders, and in the process found a Y chromosome. “Looks like you’re going to have a healthy baby boy,” the tech told them.   
“I knew it!” Ben exclaimed. He beamed. Dani smiled. 

On their way home, they went to Babies R Us, having been warned by Avery that they would spend way too much money preparing for the kid. They bought everything in blues and greens, and started asking each other, “what do you want to name him?” They tossed out a few names, but the other person kept saying, “no, I knew someone by that name and he was awful”   
They spent entirely too much money but came out of Babies R Us with everything they thought they would need for the first month of their baby’s life. They sat together and put together the crib and the changing table and created a nursery in the spare room.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah meets someone at the VA

Hannah had nightmares about Tim dying regularly. She was jumpy when she heard fireworks, and couldn’t cope with watching military movies anymore. She decided to try to get care at the local VA to see if she could get therapy. It had been a year since she applied and she just got her decision. She was 50% disabled and had access to the VA. She signed up and went to see a therapist. 

“I think maybe a survivors’ group would be good for you” the man said. “It’s all people who lost someone important to them due to military service. It’s not really therapy more like… a group discussion. The people I send tend to like it.”   
Hannah nodded. Maybe being with other people who had lost someone too young would be good for her. 

The next week Hannah walked into the hospital, and down the elevator to the basement where mental health services were hidden. “Like it’s something shameful,” she thought. She joined the people in the waiting room watching CSI Miami, and thinking this show was going to make her worse. It was so easy to become incarcerated in America, even if you don’t do anything wrong. 

A man came into the waiting room and called, “survivor’s group?” and about half of the people in the waiting room stood up and started moving towards the group therapy room. 

“We have two new people with us today” the man said, “so why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves. Talk a little about what we hope to get out of this group.” They started with the man immediately to Hannah’s left. He had one leg, and crutches. 

“My name is Jack, and I’m here because I lost my father to the military during my first deployment to Afghanistan. All the men in our family join the army. It’s just what’s done, My father served in Afghanistan and Iraq. My grandfather served in Korea. My great grandfather served in WWII. His father served in WWI. We even know of family members who served in the American Revolution. So I was in Afghanistan and they came to get me in a sand storm and told me my father had died in Iraq. Then I tried to get home for the funeral, and the army wouldn’t let me get on a plane. They kept telling me that other people’s personal leave was more important than my dead father. I couldn’t believe it. We had dedicated centuries to this organization, and they wouldn’t even let me go home. I finally got home just in time to bury my father and they sent me back to Afghanistan, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention, and an IED took my leg,” 

Hannah looked at him. She realized she was lucky the army had let her do desk duty after Tim died. They had kept her in the United States, and probably saved her life.   
“Anyway, what I get from this group is that sense of camaraderie that has been missing from my life since leaving the army. This group gets me.” 

Hannah wondered if it was appropriate to tell him about her own experience trying to get home after Tim died. She decided to wait for her turn and just let the group go around in a circle. The group continued with similar stories around a circle. People had died. A lot of people had died. Hannah knew this, of course, intellectually, but talking to the survivors made that web page she had stalked until Tim had died seem much more real. Finally it was her turn. 

“Hi, I’m Hannah,” she said, “and I’m a West Point graduate, as was my husband. I was in Afghanistan when my husband was killed in Iraq. Like Jack, it took ages to get me home. They kept telling me other people’s personal leave was more important than me seeing my family. They kept me at a storage unit until I begged them to let me go to Germany, and from there paid my own way on a commercial liner to get home. I just started to realize how unimportant we all are to the army, and how little they care about us. So that’s really why I left the service a little over a year ago. I wanted to find a job where my boss would care about me.” She paused. “And what I expect to get from this group, I’m just hoping someone will understand.” Then she stopped. She looked around. Her story was just like the dozen others she’d just heard. There’s nothing unique about her story. Maybe that was a good thing. 

After the group meeting Jack stopped her. “Hey, so I apologize if this is too soon, but, I was thinking maybe a cup of coffee? There’s a little diner between here and the parking lot they bus us out to. We could just…” 

Hannah smiled. “Sure, I’d like that” They met again at the little diner, and each got a cup of coffee. She talked about Tim a bit and then said, “I’m sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my husband on a date. I just… I miss him so much. I don’t know how to do this. I haven’t been on a date since we were in college 6 years ago.”  
He smiled, “so tell me something about you. What do you do?” 

“Banking, but it certainly didn’t fulfill my goal of finding a job that mattered.” She told him a little about her job. He didn’t work, being 100% disabled by the military meant he didn’t have to. 

“There’s this club I belong to though,” she said and told him about the SCA. He agreed to accompany her to the business meeting the next Wednesday. Having set up a next time to see each other, and finished their coffee, they each left. She noticed that he turned right out of the parking lot away from the interstate. She wondered if that meant he lived close. Then she turned left and drove home.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery has a baby

Avery knew that she couldn’t possibly fall out of a run because she was about to have a baby, or take unplanned time off work for a baby. Instead she decided to induce labor on 1/11/11, to give her baby a cool birthday. She called Dani and Hannah and told them the birthdate and asked them to come join her since the father certainly wouldn’t. Who was the father, anyway? There were two possibilities and she couldn’t say for sure. She didn’t keep in contact with either of them, anyway.  
She walked into the blue room she had prepared for her son with the little bows and teddy bears everywhere. She hoped he liked it, but then again, do infants really like things like that? Can they even tell where they are? Maybe it was mostly for herself. She tidied a few things for the millionth time, even though nothing was untidy to begin with. 

On the 10th, Dani and Hannah came over and Dani made her one last celebratory dinner, and Hannah gave her a blanket her mother had knitted for the baby. Her mother had made some pointed comments about grand children when she handed it to Hannah, but Hannah pretended to ignore them, as usual. She gave the blanket to Avery without mentioning those comments, and Avery folded it and placed it resting over the edge of the crib. 

The next day, the three girls went to the hospital, and Avery checked in. She was immediately taken back to a room and the doctor came in with a shot which she delivered and then an epidural which she also administered. She was given a hospital gown to put on and then Dani and Hannah took positions one on each side of her holding her hand. The pain started slowly, but then moved to the most intense pain Avery had ever felt in her life. Dani felt herself get nauseous. Whether it was morning sickness or the knowledge that this pain was soon to be hers, she wasn’t sure. She moved towards the little bathroom attached to the hospital room and threw up. Avery didn’t even seem to notice she was missing when she came back she took her hand again and gripped it in a vice like grip which seemed to never end. The pain went on for 4 hours. Dani had to slip away to vomit twice more. 

The doctor lifted the baby from between Avery’s legs and brought her up for Avery to see. “Congratulations, it’s a perfect little girl” he said.   
“Girl?” Avery asked.   
“It’s a girl” the doctor said.   
“The sonogram reader told me it was a boy. I have all blue things. I have a boy’s name picked out.”   
“It’s a girl” the doctor said again, gently. Then she placed the baby at Avery’s breast and the baby quickly started to suckle.   
“She’s beautiful” Avery said.   
“So cute!” Dani said.   
“Congratulations, mama” Hannah said.   
Dani touched her own bump and then ran for the bathroom again.   
“What’s her name going to be?” Hannah asked.   
“It was going to be Adam. I don’t know what to change it to. I haven’t even considered girls names” Avery said, placing one hand on the baby’s back. 

Avery and the baby spent the night in the hospital and it was the next day before she came up with the name Shayna May for her daughter after googling girls’ names and finding one that meant beautiful. That was her first impression of her daughter, and that’s what the name was going to say. 

The next day they all went home and Avery put the little girl in the blue room, “I guess she doesn’t know anything about gendered colors,” she mumbled. “I tried so hard for everything to be perfect.”   
Dani put her hand on her shoulder, “everything is perfect,” she said. Shayna spent the next few days pooping, peeing, sleeping, crying, and eating, just like babies should. Dani and Hannah took turns changing and feeding the baby at night, letting Avery sleep for a few days before she would have to take over full time. It’s not like Dani could sleep through the night anymore anyway with all the vomiting she was doing. “Just three months of morning sickness my ass ,” she thought.   
Dani cooked most nights since she had the most restrictive diet. Hannah washed the dishes and Avery’s clothes, and kept the place as neat as it was when she got there. 

A week later, Dani and Hannah went home and Avery was left alone with a baby. She still had another three weeks of maternity leave, and the baby couldn’t start at daycare for another 5 weeks, so she had to hire someone to sit at her house for two weeks. She started interviewing people, and eventually found a woman named Brittany. Brittany had graduated high school a semester early but was going to West Point and wasn’t going to college until the regular start date since there is no spring class at West Point. She seemed perfect. She shared the military values having grown up as an officer’s kid. She could drive herself onto the base where Avery still lived. She had three much younger siblings she had helped with as a teenager. Avery hired her on the spot, and asked her to come for a couple hours three times a week for the next three weeks as well so that Shayna could get used to her, and Avery could get some exercise so she wouldn’t be too far behind where she left off. 

The following Monday, Brittany came over and Avery gave her the wifi password and then hit the road. She ran half a 5k to the nearest gym where she hit the weight room for half an hour before running the other half the 5k home. Then she made herself some eggs and watched Brittany and Shayna interact. She felt good about this match when Shayna started to scream and Brittany calmly put her finger in the baby’s mouth and let her suck on it. The child calmed instantly. “There you go, little one,” Brittany said quietly. Avery came out with a bottle and took the baby, letting Brittany go home. They continued like this for much of the rest of the three weeks maternity leave Avery had with her slowly giving more control to Brittany as she proved herself. Brittany seemed to have a sixth sense about whether the child needed changed, fed, held, or just to suck on something. Shayna refused pacies but would almost always take a finger to suck on. It was actually a trick that Avery learned from Brittany and it was a life saver. 

Two weeks later, Avery was back at work and Brittany was working full time as a nanny. Avery got home from work around 5 every day, which was barely enough time to feed and bathe her child and then lay her down for bed. Then she would sleep about three hours, wake up at 9, eat again, lie down sleep for three hours and repeat. Avery went to bed around 9 every night, waking up at midnight, 3am, and finally at 5am to get ready for the day.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani has a baby

Four months later to the day, it was Dani’s turn. She had a hospital room to herself with only Ben and the nurse for company. She felt that twinge that meant a scream was coming, and let loose with the loudest Augh! Yet. The nurse put on some gloves and looked between her legs.   
“Okay honey, time to push now,” she said very calmly. Dani grimaced and pushed with all her might. The contraction subsided. Dani panted.   
“I can see the top of his head now” the nurse said and pushed the call button for the doctor. Another contraction started. “Push push push push” the nurse said,   
“Why did I want this again?” Dani asked with an angry tone in her voice.

“Breathe” Ben said, “remember how we practiced. Ho ho ho heee ho ho ho heee” he modeled. Dani screamed, “you fucking breathe!” But she did push, and then she tried to breathe. Ho ho ho heee “Get me some ice chips!” she yelled, as the contraction died down. Ben ran out of the room and to the ice machine. He brought back a bucket of them and fed two or three to Dani. “You’re doing great” he said. 

“This baby better get out of me now!” she exclaimed, then put her head to the side, and breathed hard. The next contraction started, and she pushed as hard as she could.   
“I’ve got his head. Now it’s just the shoulder,” the nurse said. “I need you to push one more big time so he can breathe.” 

Dani pushed and screamed. Then she heard a cry. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. The nurse took the baby away and wrapped him in swaddling, cleaned him up, and then brought him over to the exhausted mother and the beaming father. 

“I knew you could do it” Ben said, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“He needs to eat,” the nurse said, placing him on Dani’s breast and watching to see if he would attach. He did so, marvelously fast. Dani placed a hand on his back, and felt him suckle. 

Two days later, they were released from the hospital, and brought the baby home. It wasn’t basketball season, so Dani and Ben were both was able to take the entire month off work. They spent the time exhausted. They took turns getting up for midnight feedings and diaper changes for one night and then sleeping the next, although they didn’t really get to sleep on the sleep nights because they still woke up when the baby cried over the baby monitor. Adam was a happy baby for the first several weeks of his life. He basically did what babies are supposed to do: eat, sleep, poop, and cry. Maybe discover the world a little bit. Dani’s mother retired from her job and moved the family nearer to Dani’s house so that she could help with the baby. Dani struggled to change her name from “mom” to “granny” when she referred to her around the baby. “Gramps” was really good with the baby, too. 

Then one day a month later, Adam began to cry. And he did not stop. They changed him, fed him, burped him, tried to get him to take a pacifier, drove him around in the car. He just did not stop crying. Dani took him to the doctor. “What’s wrong? He was such a happy baby!” she cried out.   
“We’ll do some tests to make sure he’s not in pain, but it’s probably colic. He’ll grow out of it eventually.”   
“How long is eventually?” she asked.   
“It’s different for every kid. Probably within a month.”   
“A month of this?” she looked on in dismay. 

Sleep deprivation continued to be an issue, and even got worse. They stopped using any formula and relied solely on Dani’s milk, because that seemed to calm Adam long enough for him to eat. It was the only moments of peace they got. Adam lost weight, and then regained it, the way that babies must. Dani and Ben went back to work in July, leaving Adam with granny and gramps during the day. They had given up the opportunity to pick their new team, so they were anxious to meet the new girls and look at their stats and figure out what to do with them. Their new charges were in basic training the first time Dani and Ben looked at their stats. The new point guard looked like she would be as amazing as Dani was when she was at West Point. “Jackson” she muttered. “Please make it through training.” 

Then one day, Adam just stopped crying. He got his diaper changed, and looked up at Ben and cooed.   
“Are you a happy baby now?” Ben asked, tickling his belly a little.   
Adam drooled a little and smiled.   
Dani ran into the room. “I don’t hear crying!” she exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”   
“Nothing,” Ben said, finishing changing the baby and holding him up in the air.   
Adam was light skinned and had a light dusting of black hair that clearly took after his father, not his mother. He also had his father’s blue eyes, but his mother’s chin.   
“My little man” she said taking him from his father and feeding him. 

She put Adam on the floor underneath a toy that had light up noise making cows hanging down from a bar over the baby’s head. She watched as the cows lit up and sang songs as Adam swatted them and cooed. Ben exhaled a breath he had practically been holding for the last month.   
“Lunch?” she asked, heading for the kitchen, and coming back with gluten free burritos and some corn chips.   
“Eh” Adam said. Dani took a sharp intake of breath, but then he smiled and swatted a cow, which sang “old McDonald had a farm e I e I o”   
Ben put his arm around Dani’s waist, “I think we got through it,” he said.   
She kissed him.   
“I love you” she said.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack pops the question

Hannah and Jack had been spending every weekend together watching Netflix, going to dinner, cooking each other dinner, quietly reading books as they sat together on her couch, or talking endlessly about the little nothings that happened during their day. They had discussed everything from that idiot who ran a red light and nearly killed her to her hopes and dreams for the future. She knew that he liked to pour ketchup all over his fries, and he knew that she preferred to dip them in the ketchup. He also knew that she was desperately lonely, still, after all these years. 

The day after Dani had her baby, he came to her with news. He had received an unexpected transfer to Charleston working with the VA there. The news wasn’t really unexpected. He had applied for the position in the hopes that he could bring her to be near Dani. But he didn’t tell her this. He simply told her he would be working at the Charleston VA. Then he got down on one knee and presented her with a gold and diamond ring. “Come with me?” He said.   
Tears burst to her eyes.   
“Is that a yes?” He asked.   
“Yes,” she finally said. 

The next month was filled with cleaning and packing and apartment hunting. He sent her up to Charleston to help Dani and look for an apartment. She looked at dozens of apartments but most of them disqualified themselves by not allowing her to keep her dog. Finally she started just calling places and asking their dog policy, and only going to see those who said she could keep one. By the end of the month, she had found the perfect place to live. It was a two bedroom apartment so that they could keep one room as an office to work in and one room to sleep in while someone else watched TV in the living room. It came with two assigned parking spots and had someone in the office at all hours meaning that if someone did park in their spot they could have them towed any time of the day or night. This, Hannah had learned, was critical. There wasn’t a dog park on the property so Hannah would have to walk the dog on a leash, but there was one within walking distance, even running distance if she hadn’t let herself slip too much. They were separated from the big dogs by a fence so that she would only have to deal with small dogs. She went walking in the park several times to see how busy it was, and there were usually only 3 or 4 people with their dogs in the small dog park. There was even a water fountain for the dogs to play in there.   
The apartment wasn’t furnished, but she was sure between the two of them they’d probably wind up having to get rid of stuff rather than buying new stuff. The grocery store was only 5 minutes away by car, and it was only 15 minutes from Jack’s new job. Dani was an easy 20 minute drive away. She applied and was approved to move in at the beginning of the next month. Then she went home and began packing her stuff. They kept her bed and couch, but his office furniture. 

She had more stuff than she ever thought was possible. When she was in the army it was possible to pack and move in a day. Now she had a variety of clothes including summer and winter clothes, a pile of books she had thought sounded interesting but hadn’t gotten around to reading yet, plates, bowls, silverware, extra linens, and knick knacks. All the knick knacks! Most of them had sentimental value to her, so she kept them, but good grief. If you had told her 22 year old self she would own this much stuff, she would have laughed you out of the building. Yet, here she was, with boxes and boxes of stuff. And not only did she have to pack it all up, she had to unpack it in a week. 

The big day came, and the movers went to Jack’s house first, then he and they came to her house and carried everything she owned in the world onto a truck. It took a shockingly short amount of time. Then the car moving company came and loaded her car onto a truck with six other cars. They walked around it and marked that it had a ding on the bumper she hadn’t even noticed. Then they told her it would probably be a week before she had her car again. 

Finally, it was all over. She took her overnight bag and threw it into the car next to the dog who got buckled into his seat belt and then she got in the car and they drove. It was only a five hour trip so they felt confident doing it in one push, even with the dog, whom they let out at a gas station when they first entered South Carolina and stopped for gas they knew was always 30 cents cheaper than gas in Georgia because South Carolina didn’t tax their gas. 

They had to stop for dinner on the way, but it had to be fast food, eaten in the car so they could keep the air conditioning running for the dog. They stopped at Wendy’s, which was the least objectionable option they could find and had the best fries. Then they kept driving until they reached their apartment. Then they realized that the furniture wasn’t arriving for another three days, so they went to Walmart and bought two air mattresses so they could at least sleep on something. 

They went home, inflated them, and Hannah fell straight to sleep while Jack used his phone as a hotspot and connected to the internet. There, he ordered internet service to be installed the next day while he was at work. Then he chatted on facebook messenger with an old friend, and got ready for bed.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery is in Iraq

Avery was even more miserable than she was on her first deployment. This time she couldn’t stop worrying about what would happen to her daughter, were something to happen to her. She never felt safe, and the thought terrified her. She didn’t volunteer for any extra missions this time, and she didn’t go off base to go to the burn clinic like she had in the past. This meant she had very limited things she could do with her time. She spent most of it playing ping pong with the guys in the rec room. That grew tiresome at times, and she joined people watching sports games with time delay. She learned to hate the Patriots from Jameson who was a fan of the Broncos. Colorado had never really held any special place in her heart, but they never missed a Broncos game, so Avery learned to appreciate them. 

She wrote letters home every day although she only mailed them weekly. Hannah wrote back to her once a week with photos of Shayna, Adam, Dani and herself pushing the infants in a stroller through the park or going to the university swimming pool. Dani and Hannah were both trying to hold down jobs with their babies, and they pooled their money along with some that Avery sent to care for Shayna to hire a nanny. The nanny was named Sarah. Sarah was taking a gap year between high school and college, and in her off time climbed mountains and collected rocks. She often had a stone that she excitedly showed Dani and Hannah explaining why it was special, but with the exception of the one dinosaur fossil she showed them, they hardly paid attention. 

Hannah found an evening “Mommy and Me” exercise class taking place at the YMCA every week and convinced Dani to join her. “We both need to exercise. I don’t know about you but I’ve gained 20 lbs since leaving the army,” Hannah said. Dani moved her hand to her stomach which was starting to pooch a little. For $50 a month we get access to the Mommy and Me class and the weight room and the basketball courts, as well as several other exercise classes, and a pool with more hours than the university pool has. 

“I don’t know if I can, still. My joints…”   
“What did the doctor say? Motion is lotion? Moving will probably help you.” Finally she added “I can get someone in one time as a visitor on my membership. Come once and if you can’t do it, you’ve lost nothing, but if you can, you can join.” 

Dani figured she had nothing to lose and agreed to join Hannah and Shayna at their next workout. She got dressed and drove over to the Y with Adam in his carseat. The instructor was sitting on a yoga mat with her legs outstretched and pointed. “Welcome. My name is Kali. Grab a mat and sit down” she said. Dani and Hannah each grabbed a mat. Hannah started to set up in front. “Oh no,” Dani said, “I am definitely sitting in the back,” and she walked over to the third row against the mirror. 

“It’s important to do this class regularly” Kali said, “because as your baby grows you will get stronger.” Dani looked down at Adam. The child lay on his back and blew spit bubbles. He was 13 lbs, and surely that couldn’t be too much weight to lift? They started out with stretching, reaching towards the baby’s head as he lay on the mat by their feet, or leaning to the side using the baby to pull them to their full potential. Then they did a variety of cardio exercises, dancing around with the baby as an inert partner who just grinned at being held and Dani didn’t step on his toes. Dani groaned, she hadn’t done this much exercise in the last 7 years. There were some twinges of pain in her hips and knees, but she was able to keep up, mostly, and where she wasn’t it was from being out of shape not from her arthritis. At the end of the class, they did some weight lifting exercises, using the babies as weights. They were lying on their backs pushing the babies upwards as if they were playing airplane the first time one of the babies started to cry. The mother sat upright and started nursing in the middle of class. “That’s right, we always listen to the babies first,” Kali said. They finished out the class without that woman who rejoined for some final stretching. Dani and Hannah walked out together, “what did you think?” Hannah asked.   
“I can do it, mostly. I don’t hurt,” Dani said.   
“I’m glad. Will you join?”   
“Yes,” she said, “can we go swimming now? I’m so hot,”   
“Sure,” Hannah said leading the way to the women’s locker room. They got dressed, put their children in leak proof diapers, and went into the shallow water. They found a floatie seat for the children to sit in while they bounced up and down nearby. “This is good” Dani was in the process of saying when Adam threw up into the water.   
“Oh, shit,” she said grabbing him. The lifeguard saw it too, and blew his whistle to get everyone out of the pool. “How embarrassing” she said as she went back into the locker room. She bought a membership on her way out of the building, and they took her picture without giving her a hairbrush with her hair wet and sticky. “Lovely” she thought.   
“Do you want your introduction to the weight room now or would you like to make an appointment?” Dani gestured toward the baby “I’d better do it in the future.”   
“Okay how about Thursday at 6pm?” The woman asked. Dani nodded and added the appointment to her phone calendar. She left and went home where she took a shower, bathed Adam, and then cooked dinner. Ben came home before dinner was ready. “You look like you got up to shenanigans today” he said, touching her hair.   
“I joined the Y and a baby and me exercise class” Dani said, flipping the hamburger patties in the skillet.   
“Sounds like that will be good for you. Is Hannah going with you?”   
She nodded. “It was her idea.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avery comes home

Military transport planes were loud: much louder than commercial airplanes. And no one did anything to muffle the shock or sudden drops in the air. Avery should be getting used to this by now but she probably never would. Her unit was all together lining the walls of the transport with two tanks in between the people strapped to the outside wall of the plane. 

“Think we can get some R&R when we get home?” Another Lieutenant asked her.   
“I hope so. I have to go get my kid from Charleston,” she said.   
“I didn’t know you had a kid,” he said. “What’s their name?”  
“Shayna,” Avery said smiling. She reached in her pocket and pulled out her phone, showing off some pictures of the infant she hadn’t seen 10 months. She was probably taking some tentative steps by now. Avery had missed her entire infant time. She’d be a toddler now. The last pictures she had gotten from Hannah had Shayna using a table to stand up and bouncing on her feet, but not quite yet taking steps. Still, it took more than a month for a letter to get from the United States to Iraq, so she was sure the child had taken steps by now, and she had missed it. 

“Maybe I’m done with this army thing,” she thought to herself. It was almost time to re-up for another four years, and for the first time, she thought maybe she wouldn’t. She could get a good job in business management. Maybe get a MBA at some online college and then move into a job where she never had to miss another important moment in her daughter’s life. Sure, retirement in another 12 years sounded nice, but her daughter would be a teenager at that point, and she had been sent to Iraq for half of her life since leaving the point. Did she really want to miss 6 years of Shayna’s life? To be a missing parent? She didn’t. She would file the paperwork as soon as she picked Shayna up and got back home. She took some Ambien and closed her eyes for the next 8 hours until the pilot’s voice came on “everyone strap up for landing.” Groggily, she wiped her eyes, and tried to wake up. Before she fully could, the plane bounced twice and hit the runway. The back of the plane opened, and the men and women climbed out. 

“Three free days,” the commander informed them as they hunted through identical bags for their own. “Back to work on Monday.” Avery knew that she would have to get a plane flight to Charleston. There was no way to drive there and back in 3 days. She pulled out her cell phone and called Hannah. She told her she was home and on her way to the airport to get on a standby flight as soon as possible. She drove to Atlanta. 

The first flight was completely full, but she managed to score the last remaining seat on the second flight out the next day. She texted Hannah before turning her phone off for the remainder of the flight. She had access to her own laptop for the first time in 10 months, so she started going through 10 months worth of email and reading facebook posts from her friends. She found a post from Hannah showing Shayna taking a few tentative steps, then falling down, landing and looking around as if she were confused. A tear slipped down her cheek. She had missed it after all.   
“Messy divorce?” The guy next to her asked.   
“No, army,” she answered.   
“Cute kid,” he said.   
“Thanks. I haven’t seen her in a year. I’ve been in Iraq for 10 months, and she’s been living with my friend. I’m afraid she won’t know me at all,” Avery was suddenly uncertain why she was opening up so much to a total stranger.   
“Thank you for your service,” he said. She flinched. She hated that line. She was never sure what to say. “Yes, sir” she finally said, forcing a smile. Then, “I think I’m done with it this year,” again uncertain why she was being this open with someone whose name she didn’t know.   
“Can’t miss that kid growing up,” he said, gesturing towards Shayna with his chin.   
“Yeah. I’ve missed too much already,” she said.   
“You can’t get it back, but you can change the future,” he said. They chatted through the rest of the flight. When they landed, he put his hand on her shoulder, “go give a big hug to that little girl” he said. She smiled. She walked through the airport until she got to baggage claim where Hannah, Dani, Ben, Shayna, and Adam met her standing at the carousel. She bent over and held her arms out to Shayna. “Come to mommy,” she said. Shayna looked at her uncertainly. Then she reached for Hannah and said, “mama.”   
“Sorry, I haven’t been able to convince her that I’m not mamma. She hears all the other kids saying it and just assumed that was me.”  
Avery stood there and cried in the airport. Hannah picked Shayna up and carried her to Avery. “This is your mama, pretty girl,” she said. Shayna looked at her uncertainly. Avery took her from Hannah. “I’m your mama, and I promise I’m not going away again” she said.   
“So you’re getting out?” Hannah asked.   
“Yes, as soon as I can.” Avery said.   
Shayna let out a wail. “Mama!” She yelled.   
“Shhh, mama’s here now,” Avery said. Hannah whispered, “how about an ice cream?” And Avery nodded and repeated “how about an ice cream?”   
“Yay!” Shayna yelled, stopping crying. Avery carried her through the airport and to Dani’s car. They drove to a frozen yogurt place where Avery offered her daughter every topping imaginable just to learn that she mostly wanted fruit. She laughed. “Good kid” she thought. They ate their yogurt then went back to Dani’s house where they spent the night. She bought a plane ticket home for the next day online, and then fell asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah and Jack get married

Hannah and Jack chose to have a very small wedding with just their families and closest friends. The party of 15 went to a nice restaurant with a justice of the peace, and there, Hannah’s father walked her up the aisle to Jack, who waited for her wearing a suit and bowtie. The justice of the peace said some words, Hannah repeated the words, and then Jack leaned forward to kiss her. It was done. They sat together for steaks and lobster, and everybody drank champagne. They even had pink champagne for Hannah and Jack. He picked up a shrimp in his fingers, and brought it to her lips where she ate it, and laughed. 

When everyone had finished eating, they cut into a small cake. It was a white cake with white icing, but it wasn’t the multitiered one that people imagined at a wedding. Instead it was just enough for 15 people with two little balls of cake wrapped in icing sitting on top of it to go home and be eaten on their one year anniversary. They spent the night at the Hilton, and then the next day left for their honeymoon. 

They had decided to go to Alaska on a cruise, and Jack had picked one of the best state rooms available for them. There was a sofa with a television, a king sized bed, a table with two chairs, which was decorated with some fruit and a bottle of champagne, and a bathtub Hannah thought she could lie down in and cover her knees and stomach with water or bubblebath. He poured them each a glass of champagne, and they sat to go over their shore excursions. They were going to see sled dogs, fly over a glacier, go on a whale watching and sea otter viewing boat, and the little booklet said that there was a high chance of seeing northern lights on the 3rd day of the trip if they stayed up to midnight and looked towards the front of the ship. 

Since they were staying in a stateroom, they had access to a private pool and hot tub that only about 20 people had access to. Hannah decided to get a drink and then head to the private pool to watch the ship leave Vancouver. She took her drink and set it on the side of the hot tub and then eased her way in, stretching her legs out and luxuriating in the warm water.   
Then the ship started moving.   
Within seconds of the ship leaving the dock, her champagne had tipped over and fallen into the hot tub. She watched it float there for a moment or two, then picked the cup up and put it upside down outside of the hot tub. Jack laughed at her, and she noticed that he had kept his beer in his hands.   
“Navy” he said laughing

The ship continued to bob up and down with the waves making smaller waves in the hot tub. Sometimes they came up as far as her chin and she would close her mouth to make sure no water got in.   
Another couple came in. He started swimming laps in the small pool beside them, and she joined Hannah and Jack in the hot tub. “We come on a cruise every year for our anniversary” she told them. “Have you been before?”   
“I was navy, but never for pleasure,” he said.   
“No,” Hannah said. “Never.”   
“Let me tell you a secret then. Get the drink package. What they charge for individual drinks is ridiculous, and you’ll save money, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”   
“Thanks” Hannah said, making a note to call her concierge and ask for the drink package. She knew the lady was right because her spilled champagne was $13 and the package was only $130.   
“Dinner is in an hour” Jack reminded Hannah. They had picked an early dinner time so that they could indulge in night activities.   
“Excuse me” Hannah said, getting out of the water, and going to take a shower. At dinner, the waiter offered them appetizers, and Hannah giggled at the escargot. “I’ve never even thought about having it before,” she said.   
“Well, this is a good place to try, since it is included.” Jack said, ordering himself the same dish, along with orange chicken for a main course. The server brought out the escargot first, and Hannah plopped one into her mouth. Then she laughed and snorted some of the juice out her nose. “Oh my god,” she said laughing, “that’s hideous.” He laughed and took hers as well as his and ate it all. The orange chicken came and that was much more to her liking. 

After dinner they went to a show with singers and dancers and songs from the 70s and 80s. She watched the dancers jump up and down and wondered whether they ever tried to jump just to find the floor followed them. They did cartwheels and back flips seemingly without worrying about whether there would be a floor. It had to be harder than doing the same job on land. 

When the show ended, the captain came onto the stage and told them that there would be a gameshow in the adjoining room at 10 and they could enjoy a drink and take their time wandering over there, or they could go silent dancing which basically meant dancing to earphones in the hallway while no music played for the people watching you dance. Hannah and Jack opted for the gameshow and ordered another drink on their way. They were playing Family Feud in teams made up randomly. 

They went back to their room after the show and Jack whispered, “what do you say we try to join Dani and Avery in parenthood?” 

“Why Jack! Is that you coming onto me?” She asked, grabbing him around the neck and allowing him to pull her into the bed. 

The ten days passed quickly, and then Hannah and Jack made their way back to Charleston where Dani and Ben met them at the airport.


End file.
